For the Brits

Comedian Bob Monkhouse dies



The British entertainment world is mourning comedian Bob Monkhouse, who has died aged 75.
The star, one of the UK's best known entertainers, battled prostate and bone cancer for more than two years.

He died peacefully in his sleep with his wife Jackie at his side, said his manager of 38 years, Peter Prichard.

"He was respected by all the other comedians because he was dedicated to his craft - he never stopped making people laugh," Mr Prichard said.

Mr Prichard said Monkhouse was still working six weeks before his death, despite being in a great deal of pain.

<img src="http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/photos/ukflag_halfmast020401.jpg" alt=" - " />

British actor Alan Bates popped it too….I wonder who number three is going to be?

Originally posted by mankie:
British actor Alan Bates popped it too….I wonder who number three is going to be?

Better make sure you keep your eyes on the road, not the new Roady.

Originally posted by ggwâ?¢:

Originally posted by mankie:
British actor Alan Bates popped it too….I wonder who number three is going to be?

Better make sure you keep your eyes on the road, not the new Roady.

I know I'm a star in your eyes, but not considered a celeb back home.

Originally posted by mankie:
I know I'm a star in your eyes, but not considered a celeb back home.

<img src="http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0RQDKAo4VrgNUgreZnmaTkzwb4NxUA2geP*MC5jKMZkF3*Drcvq3wJieKZUjAwdL2SlBlNyhT6uQwpyEcXTRRAU19WW1QCnELTxj5*QZ7WqA/bond_chute.gif" alt=" - " />

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, brought a tear to my eye……. Dupek might know Bob Monkhouse better as the inspiration for Johnny Savaloy from Rex the Runt…….

Some of these gags are beautiful:

 Bob's best gags

'They're not laughing now …'

Monday December 29, 2003




Bob Monkhouse
 
On receiving an OBE from the Queen:
It was a disaster. I never thought she'd trip and fall like that.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

I remember when safe sex was a padded headboard.

I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be different from this one?

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 76, so it's no distance.

I tend to sleep in the nude. Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.

On hearing the phone:
Now if that's my wife … tell her I'm washing my hair.

My wife said: "Can my mother come down for the weekend?" So I said: "Why?" And she said: "Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already."

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. They're not laughing now.

At the end of the booking I went to a game park. I saw a wild animal coming fast towards me. It was a woman on a Vespa with a telegram offering me a week at the Palladium.

You can call me Bob. Better still, you can call me after six o'clock.

Marriage is an investment that pays dividends if you pay interest.

A tomcat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: "Take me to the canaries."

What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

How can we expect a politician to believe in the wisdom of the people when he knows it was the people who voted him in?

What do gardeners do when they retire?

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

I spilt some stain remover on my sleeve. How do you get that out?

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

(On his own illness) I saw a specialist who asked me: "Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?" I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."

Where do the homeless have 90% of their accidents?

from guardian.co.uk

Poor old Bobbie…

<img src="http://www.brainstuff.co.uk/gallery2/things%20and%20stuff/spongebobmonkhouse.jpg" alt=" - " />

If you go here……. http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/atom_340

you can watch the Johnny Savaloy episode….

dont forget bob stole alot of his jokes from new comics, he used to go and see all the new talent a get himself aload of new jokes, i think thats why he was so worried when his joke book went missing.

Who is it?

<img src="http://www.nitch.co.uk/b3ta/beck-ham.jpg" alt=" - " />

Originally posted by Dupek Chopra:
Who is it?

&lt;img src="http://www.nitch.co.uk/b3ta/beck-ham.jpg" alt=" - " /&gt;

Flawd ?

No really,

It's Beck~Ham


What did I win?

You win a cookie.

Who are these two?
<img src="http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/itchinbowow/pics/b3ta/crocket-and-tubbs.jpg" alt=" - " />

Ellen Degeneres?

Originally posted by Dupek Chopra:
Who is it?

&lt;img src="http://www.nitch.co.uk/b3ta/beck-ham.jpg" alt=" - " /&gt;

<img src="http://www.externalerror.com/images/emisimmons.gif" alt=" - " />

Plus the neighbour in home improvement died…..

So that 4…..

Originally posted by mark e smith:
Plus the neighbour in home improvement died…..

So that 4…..

3 Brits…doodles don't matter.

BTW, is it just me or was Tim's wife in that show hot as balls in a MILF sort of way?

So do you all Brits still worship that Benny Hill character? A true master of wit and whimsy if there ever was one. I like it when he plays funny music and chases half naked women around.