Worst 10 SNL Cast Members of All Time
Jimmy Fallon:
This guy, admittedly, could have been funny and he had the chops for a decent impersonation or two. The problem is the only thing he will ever be remembered for is smirking, breaking, and laughing at himself uncontrollably. If only Lorne Michaels had the balls to yell â??Get your shit together; half that stuff you were laughing at wasn't even funny!â? Fallon doomed himself to this list with his self-love. Plus he worked way too hard for that messy hair John Mayer wannabe look.
Memorable Character: Nick Burns. Youâ??re Companyâ??s Computer Guy
Colin Quinn:
Talk about range! Whether heâ??s playing a slow-talking New York construction worker, a slow-talking New Yorker at a ball game, or a slow-talking New Yorker in New York, the impression was always dead on. Quinn was also responsible for the most painful tenure at the "Weekend Update" news desk in SNL history. We donâ??t know whose idea it was to put the heavily accented, apparently barely literate cast member with an achingly stilted delivery at the helm, but bravo! The worst was when he actually had to try to act and banter with his guest correspondents. Excruciating.
*Note* Both writers of this piece have personally met Colin Quinn on separate occasions and found him to be a very cool and likable guy. We both proceeded to hypocritically stroke him off and tell him what a genius he was. However, this does not change our overall opinion of him as a performer, and, as he is not in the room with us right now, we feel the need to viciously tear him down. We are not proud men.
Most Memorable character: Joe Blow. The blue collar New Yorker.
Charles Rocket:
Okay, letâ??s see, we need a replacement at the "Weekend Update" news desk for Jane Curtain, Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd. This is gonna be tough. Thatâ??s a lot of star power there. Hey look! Itâ??s Charles Rocket! Jackpot!
Lack of talent aside, this stiff should have been forbidden to appear on any form of television for his name alone. Itâ??s not even a porn name, itâ??s a name that a seventh grade kid would give himself to try to sound cool. Charles Rocket committed suicide in 2005, having inadvertently come to the painful realization that he was Charles Rocket.
Most Memorable Character: A wretched impression of Ronald Reagan.
Ellen Cleghorne:
Okay listen up everybody, we need a black woman! Quick! People are complaining! We need to prove that weâ??re progressive and â??with itâ?. What? Does she need to be talented? Of course not! I donâ??t expect miracles! Funny? Well, that would be nice, but once again, beggars canâ??t be choosers. Letâ??s make this happen, people. Whoâ??s this? Ellen Who-horne? Keghorne? Great! Whereâ??d you find her? On the bus. Well thatâ??s lucky. Has she ever performed before? No? Thatâ??s good. Itâ??s raw. I like raw. Give her a dressing room and put her front and center in the new cast picture. The future is now!
Most Memorable Character: Queen Shaniqua, The Angry Black Woman. (no really!)
Horatio Sanz:
If only Chris Farley was somehow Spanish, less funny, and always looked like he had just been sniffing glue more often. There ya go!Awesome! He excels at making a sub-par sketch enjoyable for the cast by making them laugh, but not so much the viewing audience. And weâ??ll also throw in that he graduated, with honors, from the Jimmy Fallon Smirk and Break In Every Scene University.
Memorable Character: Spanish Guitar player on the Antonio Banderasâ?¦How Es you say?…Ah yesâ?¦ Show.
Julia Sweeney:
â??Pat Sketch #97: How about we put Pat in a row boat with a guy that is supposed to be a physical trainer and he has no idea what gender Pat is. Wonâ??t that be funny?â? Noâ?¦.
Known for no other character(or anything else really), Julia is forever etched in peoplesâ?? minds as â??Patâ?, the androgynous oddball whose single premise sketches seemed to keep coming back over and over and over, regardless of how dead the joke was. The only consolation may be that she is now probably harassed on the street daily by strangers doing their best â??Patâ? impersonation for her. â??You made your bed Juliaâ?¦.Ewwwwww uuuughhhhhhhâ?¦â?
Memorable Character: Pat
Tracy Morgan:
Tracy, you can stop doing your impersonation of a retarded black man anytime now. Seriously, this is a different sketch Tracy. What outreach program did you say you were from?
Memorable Character: Brian Fellow, Host of â??Brian Fellowâ??s Safari Planetâ?
Jay Mohr:
What a glorified extra this guy was. Mohr proved that stand-ups do not always make good SNL cast members. You might remember him as â??Cop in backgroundâ? or â??Confused fan #4 at football game in a sketch that featured an actual funny personâ?. Mohr gets special notice on this list for thievery. At one point he got so desperate for face time that he actually blatantly stole a sketch idea from a fellow comic and put it on "SNL". He wrote all about this in his book. The beauty is that the sketch still bombed, and so did his self-involved book about the whole experience.
Memorable Character: Rock and Roll Real Estate Guy. Ouch.
Victoria Jackson:
I still hear this womanâ??s voice in my nightmares. Once again, we must address the issue of range. How many parts did they assume this one-note blithering idiot would be able to tackle? I went to high school with ten girls just like this. Why were THEY not wasting my time on "Saturday Night Live"? Victoria is currently featured on Celebrity Fit Club where she lost 22 pounds and still left fat. Sheâ??s also a devout Christian fundamentalist which does little to distance herself from the â??Moronâ? impression she left on people while on SNL. If you go to her websitewebsite youâ??ll see that sheâ??ll be â??performingâ? at the Promise Village Home for Children with "SNL" Alums Joe Piscopo and Father Guido Sarducci on June 30. And no, Iâ??m not making that up.
Memorable Character: Bimbo.
Good Burger: (Do you need to know his real name?):
â??Hey guys! Do you need an impression of Al Sharpton this week? No? How about Bill Cosby? No? Anyone want to see my knuckle puck*? Fuck this! Iâ??m going to go host 'Super Sloppy Double Dare'â?
We can only imagine that on the set of "SNL" everyone calls him "Nickelodeon". He hasnâ??t treaded too far from his days of doing sketches on â??All Thatâ?. If there was only a way he could go back. Our hypothesis is that Lorne Michaels lost a bet with someone at Universal studios.
Memorable Character: None
*Knuckle Puck is a reference to one of the best movies of all time. Mighty Ducks 2. It's hilariously bad. Rent it. Watch it. Love it. Waste 90 minutes of your time in the name of kitsch.
Honorable mention:
Tim Meadows:
He had the longest tenure of any cast member in the history of SNL (ten years) and all he has to show for it is the â??Ladies Manâ?.
Memorable Character: Lionel Osborne Host of â??Perspectivesâ?
Laraine Newman
She was about as funny as she was fat. This anorexic twig rode the coattails of the original cast and disappeared into obscurity. We assume she was doing more blow than Chevy Chase so she didn't make the list.
Memorable Characters: Connie Conehead
Garrett Morris:
Often appearing both surprised and confused, Garret's appeal was that he always looked like he didn't know what was going on. We suspect that Garrett didn't actually know that he was on a television show.
Memorable Character: Chico Escuela
Jim Henson's Muppets:
Though only appearing during the 1975 inaugural season, and not resembling anything from the actual Muppet show that would arrive a year later, â??Jim Hensonâ??s Muppetsâ? debuted on "SNL" and played to an absolutely silent audience each week. As a childhood fan of the later "Muppet Show", I have no justifiable explanation for this. To us, it would be like having Rob Zombie appear on â??Blues Cluesâ?.
Memorable Character: That one monster that sounded like Rolf the Piano playing dog.
The 1980-81 Cast
Often described as the quintessential worst season of "SNL" to date(which is saying quite a bit), the 1980-1981 cast was given the impossible task of reigniting the fires of comedy after the last remaining originals left, along with Lorne Michaels, the year before. They failed miserably. When your Power Player is Joe Piscopo, you are in for a LONG season. They could not be listed, as there were too many of them and most were gone the following year, so their names would be as foreign as Chinese opera stars in Texas. The closest you get to star power in that line up was Laurie Metcalf, and I think the chick that played Bullâ??s Girlfriend on "Night Court". She might have been in there too.
Shitty Nepotism:
An interesting phenomenon in SNL history is the hiring of the siblings of popular cast members in hopes that they too will be funny. The practice has been a colossal failure. If you think Jim Belushi is miserably unfunny, (and he is) just check out some old episodes featuring Brian Doyle Murray and, no joke, Peter Aykroyd.
FYI Lorneâ?¦
Josh Myers is still looking for workâ?¦ Don't even THINK about it!
Jimmy Fallon:
This guy, admittedly, could have been funny and he had the chops for a decent impersonation or two. The problem is the only thing he will ever be remembered for is smirking, breaking, and laughing at himself uncontrollably. If only Lorne Michaels had the balls to yell â??Get your shit together; half that stuff you were laughing at wasn't even funny!â? Fallon doomed himself to this list with his self-love. Plus he worked way too hard for that messy hair John Mayer wannabe look.
Memorable Character: Nick Burns. Youâ??re Companyâ??s Computer Guy
Colin Quinn:
Talk about range! Whether heâ??s playing a slow-talking New York construction worker, a slow-talking New Yorker at a ball game, or a slow-talking New Yorker in New York, the impression was always dead on. Quinn was also responsible for the most painful tenure at the "Weekend Update" news desk in SNL history. We donâ??t know whose idea it was to put the heavily accented, apparently barely literate cast member with an achingly stilted delivery at the helm, but bravo! The worst was when he actually had to try to act and banter with his guest correspondents. Excruciating.
*Note* Both writers of this piece have personally met Colin Quinn on separate occasions and found him to be a very cool and likable guy. We both proceeded to hypocritically stroke him off and tell him what a genius he was. However, this does not change our overall opinion of him as a performer, and, as he is not in the room with us right now, we feel the need to viciously tear him down. We are not proud men.
Most Memorable character: Joe Blow. The blue collar New Yorker.
Charles Rocket:
Okay, letâ??s see, we need a replacement at the "Weekend Update" news desk for Jane Curtain, Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd. This is gonna be tough. Thatâ??s a lot of star power there. Hey look! Itâ??s Charles Rocket! Jackpot!
Lack of talent aside, this stiff should have been forbidden to appear on any form of television for his name alone. Itâ??s not even a porn name, itâ??s a name that a seventh grade kid would give himself to try to sound cool. Charles Rocket committed suicide in 2005, having inadvertently come to the painful realization that he was Charles Rocket.
Most Memorable Character: A wretched impression of Ronald Reagan.
Ellen Cleghorne:
Okay listen up everybody, we need a black woman! Quick! People are complaining! We need to prove that weâ??re progressive and â??with itâ?. What? Does she need to be talented? Of course not! I donâ??t expect miracles! Funny? Well, that would be nice, but once again, beggars canâ??t be choosers. Letâ??s make this happen, people. Whoâ??s this? Ellen Who-horne? Keghorne? Great! Whereâ??d you find her? On the bus. Well thatâ??s lucky. Has she ever performed before? No? Thatâ??s good. Itâ??s raw. I like raw. Give her a dressing room and put her front and center in the new cast picture. The future is now!
Most Memorable Character: Queen Shaniqua, The Angry Black Woman. (no really!)
Horatio Sanz:
If only Chris Farley was somehow Spanish, less funny, and always looked like he had just been sniffing glue more often. There ya go!Awesome! He excels at making a sub-par sketch enjoyable for the cast by making them laugh, but not so much the viewing audience. And weâ??ll also throw in that he graduated, with honors, from the Jimmy Fallon Smirk and Break In Every Scene University.
Memorable Character: Spanish Guitar player on the Antonio Banderasâ?¦How Es you say?…Ah yesâ?¦ Show.
Julia Sweeney:
â??Pat Sketch #97: How about we put Pat in a row boat with a guy that is supposed to be a physical trainer and he has no idea what gender Pat is. Wonâ??t that be funny?â? Noâ?¦.
Known for no other character(or anything else really), Julia is forever etched in peoplesâ?? minds as â??Patâ?, the androgynous oddball whose single premise sketches seemed to keep coming back over and over and over, regardless of how dead the joke was. The only consolation may be that she is now probably harassed on the street daily by strangers doing their best â??Patâ? impersonation for her. â??You made your bed Juliaâ?¦.Ewwwwww uuuughhhhhhhâ?¦â?
Memorable Character: Pat
Tracy Morgan:
Tracy, you can stop doing your impersonation of a retarded black man anytime now. Seriously, this is a different sketch Tracy. What outreach program did you say you were from?
Memorable Character: Brian Fellow, Host of â??Brian Fellowâ??s Safari Planetâ?
Jay Mohr:
What a glorified extra this guy was. Mohr proved that stand-ups do not always make good SNL cast members. You might remember him as â??Cop in backgroundâ? or â??Confused fan #4 at football game in a sketch that featured an actual funny personâ?. Mohr gets special notice on this list for thievery. At one point he got so desperate for face time that he actually blatantly stole a sketch idea from a fellow comic and put it on "SNL". He wrote all about this in his book. The beauty is that the sketch still bombed, and so did his self-involved book about the whole experience.
Memorable Character: Rock and Roll Real Estate Guy. Ouch.
Victoria Jackson:
I still hear this womanâ??s voice in my nightmares. Once again, we must address the issue of range. How many parts did they assume this one-note blithering idiot would be able to tackle? I went to high school with ten girls just like this. Why were THEY not wasting my time on "Saturday Night Live"? Victoria is currently featured on Celebrity Fit Club where she lost 22 pounds and still left fat. Sheâ??s also a devout Christian fundamentalist which does little to distance herself from the â??Moronâ? impression she left on people while on SNL. If you go to her websitewebsite youâ??ll see that sheâ??ll be â??performingâ? at the Promise Village Home for Children with "SNL" Alums Joe Piscopo and Father Guido Sarducci on June 30. And no, Iâ??m not making that up.
Memorable Character: Bimbo.
Good Burger: (Do you need to know his real name?):
â??Hey guys! Do you need an impression of Al Sharpton this week? No? How about Bill Cosby? No? Anyone want to see my knuckle puck*? Fuck this! Iâ??m going to go host 'Super Sloppy Double Dare'â?
We can only imagine that on the set of "SNL" everyone calls him "Nickelodeon". He hasnâ??t treaded too far from his days of doing sketches on â??All Thatâ?. If there was only a way he could go back. Our hypothesis is that Lorne Michaels lost a bet with someone at Universal studios.
Memorable Character: None
*Knuckle Puck is a reference to one of the best movies of all time. Mighty Ducks 2. It's hilariously bad. Rent it. Watch it. Love it. Waste 90 minutes of your time in the name of kitsch.
Honorable mention:
Tim Meadows:
He had the longest tenure of any cast member in the history of SNL (ten years) and all he has to show for it is the â??Ladies Manâ?.
Memorable Character: Lionel Osborne Host of â??Perspectivesâ?
Laraine Newman
She was about as funny as she was fat. This anorexic twig rode the coattails of the original cast and disappeared into obscurity. We assume she was doing more blow than Chevy Chase so she didn't make the list.
Memorable Characters: Connie Conehead
Garrett Morris:
Often appearing both surprised and confused, Garret's appeal was that he always looked like he didn't know what was going on. We suspect that Garrett didn't actually know that he was on a television show.
Memorable Character: Chico Escuela
Jim Henson's Muppets:
Though only appearing during the 1975 inaugural season, and not resembling anything from the actual Muppet show that would arrive a year later, â??Jim Hensonâ??s Muppetsâ? debuted on "SNL" and played to an absolutely silent audience each week. As a childhood fan of the later "Muppet Show", I have no justifiable explanation for this. To us, it would be like having Rob Zombie appear on â??Blues Cluesâ?.
Memorable Character: That one monster that sounded like Rolf the Piano playing dog.
The 1980-81 Cast
Often described as the quintessential worst season of "SNL" to date(which is saying quite a bit), the 1980-1981 cast was given the impossible task of reigniting the fires of comedy after the last remaining originals left, along with Lorne Michaels, the year before. They failed miserably. When your Power Player is Joe Piscopo, you are in for a LONG season. They could not be listed, as there were too many of them and most were gone the following year, so their names would be as foreign as Chinese opera stars in Texas. The closest you get to star power in that line up was Laurie Metcalf, and I think the chick that played Bullâ??s Girlfriend on "Night Court". She might have been in there too.
Shitty Nepotism:
An interesting phenomenon in SNL history is the hiring of the siblings of popular cast members in hopes that they too will be funny. The practice has been a colossal failure. If you think Jim Belushi is miserably unfunny, (and he is) just check out some old episodes featuring Brian Doyle Murray and, no joke, Peter Aykroyd.
FYI Lorneâ?¦
Josh Myers is still looking for workâ?¦ Don't even THINK about it!