A prayer for the ladies

Just got this via email…a bit lame but it's quiet here today.

A Girls Prayer
>
> Lord
>
> Before I lay me down to sleep,
> I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
> One who's handsome, smart and strong,
> One who's willy's thick and long.
> One who thinks before he speaks,
> When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
> I pray that he is gainfully employed,
> And when I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
> Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
> Massages my back and begs to do more.
> Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind,
> Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my
> behind?"
> One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
> In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
> I pray that this man will love me no end,
> And never attempts to shag my best friend.
> And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
> I look at the wanker you sent me instead.
> Amen.
>
> A Boy's Prayer:
>
> Lord
> I pray for a lady with big tits.
> Amen
>

that's hilarious.. i've seen something much like that before.

A Man's Guide to What a Woman Really Means When She Says…

"We need" = "I want"

"It's your decision" = "The correct answer should be obvious by now"

"Do what you want" = "you'll pay for this later"

"We need to talk" = "I need to complain"

"I'm not upset" = "Of course I'm upset, you moron!"

"You're so… Manly" = "You need a shave and you sweat a lot"

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = "I have flabby thighs"

"This Kitchen is so inconvenient" = "I want a new house"

"I need wedding shoes" = "The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white"

"Hang the picture there" = "No, I mean hang it there!"

"I heard a noise" = "I noticed you were almost asleep"

"Do you love me?" = "I'm going to ask for something expensive"

"How much do you love me?" = "I did something today you're really not going to like"

"I'll be ready in a minute" = "Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV"

"Is my butt fat?" = "Tell me I'm beautiful"

"You have to learn to communicate" = "Just agree with me"

"Are you listening to me?" = "Too late, you're dead"

"Do you like this recipe?" = "It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it"

_________________________________________________
A Woman's Guide to What a Man Really Means When He Says…

"I'm hungry" = "I'm hungry"

"I'm sleepy" = "I'm sleepy"

"I'm tired" = "I'm tired"

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you"

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you"

"Can I call you sometime?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you"

"May I have this dance?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you"

"Nice dress" = "Nice cleavage"

"You look tense, let me give you a massage" = "I want to fondle you"

"What's wrong?" = "What meaningless, self-inflicted, psychological trauma are you going through now?"

"What's wrong?" = "I guess sex tonight is out of the question"

"I love you" = "Let's have sex now"

"I love you, too" = "Okay, I said it…we'd better have sex now"

"Yes I like the way you cut your hair" = "I liked it better before"

"Yes I like the way you cut your hair" = "$50 and it doesn't look that much different"

"Let's talk" = "I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'll have sex with me"

"Will you marry me?" = "I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys"

"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together" = "I am gay"