redsock
Joined: February 20, 2002 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 1893
In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:00 PM UTC
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So, i'm curious, for any of you either in bands (not too many) or those of you who have dated folks in bands….how you manage/managed it. My girlfriend is in a local band with her sister and two other guys…and it's tough. We are in love (no awwwww's please), ane are at least thinking about a serious future together. But they practice at least three days/nights a week, plus time spent on writing music, promoting the band, gigs, etc…., plus work and life stuff. I mean, it's not easy, and they are really just getting off the ground – all things considered. Obviously, you compromise, and sacrifice, especially if you both realize you want to be with the other person. And we are both very happy, I just wished i saw her more. It's kinda tough too, since I am not a musician, to be able to relate to some of the stuff they are working on. I'm kinda jealous of the other folks, cause they can relate to her passion. But I still a super supporter the band, it's her dream you know, so that makes it our dream. Who knows, this band may fizzle, though they are good, but still, it is the now that is hard.
So, any bad or good stories to relate? I'm curious.
ggw
Joined: December 16, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 14237
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:03 PM UTC
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She's banging the drummer, isn't she?
thirsty moore
Joined: January 11, 2000 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 6131
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:06 PM UTC
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GGW – your response made me laugh out loud.
Redsock – What happens on the road stays on the road. All jokes aside though, you seem to want to be able to relate to her passion. Well, you are a fan already. So why don't you pick up a guitar and practice when she's off at band practice.
redsock
Joined: February 20, 2002 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 1893
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:09 PM UTC
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Originally posted by thirsty moore:
GGW – your response made me laugh out loud.
Redsock – What happens on the road stays on the road. All jokes aside though, you seem to want to be able to relate to her passion. Well, you are a fan already. So why don't you pick up a guitar and practice when she's off at band practice.
The one thing i don't need to worry about is sex with bandmates or random fans. for many reason, thats just not gonna happen.
And since we've been together I have been trying to teach myself guitar and I'm taking piano lessons. Mostly for myself, but I'd be lying if I didn't say some of it was to understand her.
mankie
Joined: Unknown
Posts: 0
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:16 PM UTC
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Regardless of what the hopeless romantics say, love does NOT conquer all, and if you don't share the same passion for the band as she does, sooner or later she's going to meet someone who does, or you're going to meet someone with similar interests to you….If it's meant to be it will be. I wouldn't sit at home while she's at practice though, you need to live your life too.
Rhett Miller
Joined: November 15, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 17762
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:26 PM UTC
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I remember I used to date Courtney Love. Man did her breath stink. She used to go on about how she thought she was Marlon Brando's granddaughter. Man, I just had to bail.
redsock
Joined: February 20, 2002 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 1893
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:30 PM UTC
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Originally posted by mankie:
and if you don't share the same passion for the band as she does, sooner or later she's going to meet someone who does, or you're going to meet someone with similar interests to you….
Well we do both share a huge passion for music. It's just that she can play it, and I can't at the moment. If I hated music, well that's be different. And I wouldn't be posting on this board.
thirsty moore
Joined: January 11, 2000 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 6131
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:33 PM UTC
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Mankie does bring up a good point. Also, something to notice. Are you the only one concerned about the fact that both of you aren't seeing that much of each other?
Rhett Miller
Joined: November 15, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 17762
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:35 PM UTC
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I think it's fine to have differing passions. Though it is better for the person who is less passionate about something to at least be interested in it, and to support their partners passion.
Sounds like you are on the right track. The most important thing is that you are passionate about each other.
SPARX
Joined: December 13, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 2070
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:35 PM UTC
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Become their manager or roadie.Then you can share EVERYTHING!!!Not always a good idea.Seperate interests can be a good thing,you don't really want a clone do you?As long as you still share some common passions,you'll be fine.Don't obsess over it,it'll only make it worse.
ggw
Joined: December 16, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 14237
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:37 PM UTC
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Can you join the band?
Maybe they need a tambourine player. Or a roadie.
Rhett Miller
Joined: November 15, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 17762
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:39 PM UTC
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Yes, women who are passionate about their careers suck, don't they?
Originally posted by mankie:
Originally posted by redsock:
Well we do both share a huge passion for music. It's just that she can play it, and I can't at the moment. If I hated music, well that's be different. And I wouldn't be posting on this board.
I did say "same passion for the band".
If she ends up devoting more and more time to the band at the expense of time with you, I'd say that's your answer.
redsock
Joined: February 20, 2002 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 1893
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:41 PM UTC
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Originally posted by thirsty moore:
Mankie does bring up a good point. Also, something to notice. Are you the only one concerned about the fact that both of you aren't seeing that much of each other?
No, we both talk about it. She knows she's not being a really good girlfriend, and actually seems to know what one is. i'm not stressing over this, nor looking for relationship advice, we're cool…maybe i'm just looking for a success story.
Rhett Miller
Joined: November 15, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 17762
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:46 PM UTC
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The last time I dated a musician, I was 23. The last time I saw her, I walked in on her having a threesome with her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. Pretty much told me that relationship was over.
SPARX
Joined: December 13, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 2070
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:48 PM UTC
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Originally posted by redsock:
[]No, we both talk about it. She knows she's not being a really good girlfriend, and actually seems to know what one is. i'm not stressing over this, nor looking for relationship advice, we're cool…maybe i'm just looking for a success story.
John and yoko?
ggw
Joined: December 16, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 14237
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:48 PM UTC
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Originally posted by redsock:
Originally posted by thirsty moore:
Mankie does bring up a good point. Also, something to notice. Are you the only one concerned about the fact that both of you aren't seeing that much of each other?
No, we both talk about it. She knows she's not being a really good girlfriend, and actually seems to know what one is. i'm not stressing over this, nor looking for relationship advice, we're cool…maybe i'm just looking for a success story.
Personally, I don't think the ideal relationship is about two people chasing the same passions.
She does her thing, you do yours. Giving the other one support while they chase their dreams is far more important, in my book, than being totally in sync.
After all, a couple is still composed of two individuals. Sometimes the strongest couples are those comprised of two people strong enough to realize that and able to give their partner the room to be an individual.
So she's occupied with her band now? I don't think that makes her a "bad girlfriend" (I'm sure you don't either). Support her, encourage her, etc… while doing your own thing, and I'm sure everything will be fine.
SPARX
Joined: December 13, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 2070
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:51 PM UTC
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Originally posted by ggw™:
[[/qb]
Personally, I don't think the ideal relationship is about two people chasing the same passions.
She does her thing, you do yours. Giving the other one support while they chase their dreams is far more important, in my book, than being totally in sync.
After all, a couple is still composed of two individuals. Sometimes the strongest couples are those comprised of two people strong enough to realize that and able to give their partner the room to be an individual.
So she's occupied with her band now? I don't think that makes her a "bad girlfriend" (I'm sure you don't either). Support her, encourage her, etc… while doing your own thing, and I'm sure everything will be fine. [/QB] I wholeheartedly concurr!!
paige
Joined: Unknown
Posts: 0
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:52 PM UTC
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I'm seeing someone who is in a band, and I know what you are saying. It's tough when everyone is sitting around talking about music (the writing aspect, not just what bands they're listening to at the moment) and feeling almost out of place because you can't fully relate. Then comes in the practicing, playing shows, recording, etc etc. My boyfriend's band is very dedicated and all, but because most of the guys are still going to college and working to pay rent, it hasn't consumed their lives entirely - yet.
I don't go to every show, waiting around for him to be free so we can talk, but I support them and help them out in any way possible. But I also have my own life and everything that everyone else has said. It's great that you're trying to learn music yourself, which shows that you are committed to her and want to make an effort. But you're going to have to work at it (both sides, not just one or the other). The truth is, love isn't the only thing that keeps relationships working. If you both try to make time for each other (maybe one night a week make dinner together and just enjoy the time to yourselves, or whatever) and be supportive, understanding, and compromise, then it will all be ok.
I think I wrote too much.
Good luck redsock!! :)
SPARX
Joined: December 13, 2001 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 2070
Re: In band/out of band relationships?
August 14, 2003 at 08:56 PM UTC
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Originally posted by paige:
. It's great that you're trying to learn music yourself, which shows that you are committed to her and want to make an effort.
Would that mean if she were a hairdresser,eventually he should become a stylist? :eek: