Running Diary: MTV After Hours

Running diary: MTV After Hours

So, I played hookie today and it rained. Great. So I was stuck inside watching the tele and TiVo taped MTVâ??s 3-6 AM show called "After Hours." 3 whole hours of videos â?? who knew MTV still played videos?! This has to be good.

So the show opens with a commercial about how MTV doesnâ??t play videos anymore. Gee thanks for playing videos, even if it is from 3-6 AM when all of us are up watching videos!

So apparently only black people are up at 3 AM because the first 4 videos have been hip hop and R&B artists. BTW, for those that arenâ??t hip to the general format of hip-hop and R&B artists these days, you have to be a one name female singer or a rapper with another rapper backing you up for any sort of legitimacy.

Monica, Mya, Pharell Williams with Jay-Z, 50 Cent with a posse of 20 people (not one of which is eminem â?? hmmm.) â?? all the chicks are in brightly lit areas and wearing little clothing. All the rappers are in throwback sports clothes and surround by their posse and scantily clad chicks dancing around them. ZZZzzzzzz - no artistic value whatsoever.

Hey, a white persons video â?? Metallica's "St. Anger." Apparently Metallica have stopped fighting their fans and put out a new video. Because all of their fans now hate them, they shot the video in San Quinten Federal prison where Iâ??m sure nobody has heard about their fight with their fans. Of course, if one has, this could get ugly. The video opens with a guard explaining to Metallica that the prison has a no hostage policy â?? if they are taken hostage by the prisoners, the State (this being CA) will not negotiate the release of a prisoner for their release. We can only hope theyâ??re taken hostage.

Apparently getting a tattoo and looking like thatguy is the only way to get into prison these days because thatâ??s what every prisoner looks like. Not too many tall skinny clean cut guys in prison. What did they do with the Enron and WorldCom folks? They must be in serious lockup and not allowed to watch the video shoot.

Hey another new bass player for Metallica. Must be as tough as being the drummer for Pearl Jam.

The video ends with a surreal shot of a prisoner holding up his detached fake leg and hopping on his one real leg. Thatâ??s about the only redeeming quality of the video. Oh wait, theyâ??ve topped it now:

â??To all the souls impacted by San Quentin, your spirit will forever be a part of Metallica.â? â?? James, Lars, Kirk and Robert

Must make that mother of the kid who was killed by a return inmate feel wonderful knowing that she is a part of Metallica. I move on.

Hey, more rapper (featuring posse) videos, oh and the Ruben Studdard area code thing is hip too.

There are a ton of commercials too. Thank god for TiVo and the FF button. Oh wait, Jewel â?? a retrospective commercial leading up to the slutty new Jewel. Someone needs to tell her that the TRL slutty girl window closes when you reach 20. This will be then end of Jewel. She will be at the birchmere before you know it reading poetry.

Iâ??m really starting to think that only black people watch TV from 3-6. Iâ??m looking for some opinions on this one.

Wait, a one named R&B act with a rapper sidekick â?? is this allowed? Beyonceâ?? (who clearly got the memo about dropping the last name) featuring Jay-Z. I think Iâ??ve already seen this video â?? it was called Jenny from the Block.

Good Charlotte "Girls and Boys." No wonder they get booed on stage. These guys are terrible, but for video merit, the old people doing young people tricks is pretty funny. Itâ??s much better on Mute though. Whatâ??s with bands wearing other current bands t-shirts in videos? It always been ways to promote new, lesser known bands, but slipknot probably doesnâ??t need GCâ??s help. And can slipknot say that a faggoty band cannot wear their t-shirts? Someone needs to do some research on this. I know this board protects Good Charlotte like you donâ??t let people find out about your alcoholic uncle, so Iâ??ll just leave the mute button on and move on.

Ashantiâ??s up next. I thought she was dead. Moving on…

MTV NEWS: You heard it first, â??WhiteStarrâ? is LAâ??s new thing. Yawn. Theyâ??re from the emerging â??Malibu Music Sceneâ? that cracked me up. Seriously, these guys have all the connections in the world through their fathers, do they really need MTVâ??s help. And only black people are watching right now, so why bother doing a report on the new "classic rock" act?

Just for the Rhett Market â?? Michelle Branch. I really canâ??t tell the difference between Norah Jones, Michelle Branch and the other one whoâ??s name I canâ??t remember. I hope they go away soon.

This first hour has been painful. Lotâ??s of retro sports clothing â?? note to self â?? must go spend a fortune on retro sports jerseys that you threw away or donated to the good will years ago.

FINALLY. Maybe the white people wake up at 4 because itâ??s the new White Stripes Video. Not only does the new album sound amazing, this video is fucking cool too â?? fantastic artistry. Itâ??s nice to see a band take both their music and their videos seriously. Although the video depicts Jack playing guitar through the bass line and we all know thatâ??s not true. Maybe I should reconsider seeing them at the bigger venue. Itâ??s super trippy in realtime, fast forward and fast reverese. Oops. Iâ??m getting dizzy â?? must move on.

SWEET. Pink and the Charlieâ??s Angels. Canâ??t get too much T&A. Confession: I saw the making of this video and dug it (and I know all of the effects. Well theyâ??re just special.) Smackette and I need to see this movie â?? I love McG. Anybody that puts â??smack my bitch upâ? in the background of a chick fight scene is a guy I need to have a drink with. Anyhow, Pink is the 4th Charlies Angel trying to stop the bad guys. Oh well, sheâ??s not as hot but Iâ??ll take it. Oh, and Bernie Mac is no Bosley. Who let that happen?

Back to the R&B videos. Wait a minute, itâ??s repeating. I just saw this â??Monicaâ? video an hour ago. Jesus Christ â?? you only spend 3 hours a day playing videos and you run the same ones? This channel needs to be cancelled (except for surf girls, of course).

Jay-z gets around huh? This guys either in every rap video or in his own video by himself (breaking the featuring posse rule).

Why are you still reading this? Why am I still writing this?

Wow, they really do repeat. J-Lo, I mean Beyonce, again. This is pure crap. All the rap acts look and sound alike so maybe theyâ??re not repeating, but itâ??s really tough to tell.

MTV NEWS: Apparently nothing else in the music biz except â??WhiteStarrâ? â?? hmmm.

Second hour. 5 videos and 37 million commercials. This is utterly disappointing.

Rut roh rorge. A Radiohead video. Iâ??m just in awe at the rotation on MTV now. Anyhow, â??There Thereâ? from the $2 bill show. Do you think Clay Aiken is scared that he sees what he will look like in 20 years in Yorke? And if your ears are that bad already, does it help to use those earpieces on stage? Probably not. Anyhow, Iâ??ve seen this $2 bill show and quite enjoyed it. Iâ??m looking forward to seeing Radiohead (and Iâ??m seeing them away from DC so the band will actually perform).

The last hour featured only repeat videos from before except the token white peopleâ??s music video from Linkin Park directed by, of all people, Mark Romaneck, who I generally enjoy. Linkin Park are shit though so Iâ??m losing respect for Mark. Every Linkin Park song sounds exactly the same. The silhouette of the lead singer looked like Bono circa the Pop tour so you know how bad that must have been.

Madonnna looks like a strung out whore in her new video. That was great when she was 25, but now at 45, it's really kind of freaking me out. She must have made this video for the European audience because they wuold like this kind of trash.

Iâ??m giving up on this â?? itâ??s all commercials and the same damn videos. There you have it - I have sacrificed an hour or two of my life to confirm that MTV is still shite. The same 8-10 videos with a couple rock videos thrown in for good measure. Will Britney please come out of retirement to save this?

You may all go back your regularly scheduled banter and screen name changing now.

Hey Vansmack, thanks for that rather disturbing review. Next time you are critiquing something please dont choose MTV or take speed before hand…….

The white stripes video? is that the one where it is continually moving forward?

The Sports Guy would be proud :D

Originally posted by the scientist:
Hey Vansmack, thanks for that rather disturbing review. Next time you are critiquing something please dont choose MTV or take speed before hand…….

The white stripes video? is that the one where it is continually moving forward?

It was the new Mountain Dew Live Wire - good stuff.

And yes, that was the video. They keep an upside-down V coming at you with different pictures, mostly of Meg and Jack. It trips you out after a while.

me thinks we should lock smackie in a room when they replay 24 in its entirity. or maybe inflict that throbbing gristle cd set on him, like cmj did to one of their writes. it's too bad i don't own The Stooges - 1970: The Complete Funhouse Sessions. i wonder what smackie would come with after 7 discs straight of outtakes, alternate versions etc. how would one feel after the hearing the 28th take of loose…

Originally posted by kosmo vinyl:
me thinks we should lock smackie in a room when they replay 24 in its entirity. or maybe inflict that throbbing gristle cd set on him, like cmj did to one of their writes. it's too bad i don't own The Stooges - 1970: The Complete Funhouse Sessions. i wonder what smackie would come with after 7 discs straight of outtakes, alternate versions etc. how would one feel after the hearing the 28th take of loose…

I actually did watch 24 on DVD one day and refused to watch the second season until it comes out on DVD. The drama is soooo much better in its entirety.

I'm going to do the same thing with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I'm even thinking of taking a train somewhere to middle America and watching them on my laptop so I can't escape.

i did the same thing with twin peaks a few years back. went straight through from the pilot to fire walk with me. yea for snow days.

I am no expert on this, but wasnt fire walk with me a prequal to twin peaks? So shouldnt you have watched that first.


Changing tack…. I liked the white stripes video, even the song is finally growing on me. Does anyone think Elephant is really as good as their previous two albums though?

Smackie, that was a pure work of genius! Thank you for that utterly entertaining and educational work of art. Much, much better than wasting 5 minutes of my precious life checking out what is, or isn't, happening on 'Anything But Music TV'.

Seriously, you should FedEx a formal copy of that to the President of MTV. Not that he cares what we White People over 14 think.

Markie, I am now convinced that you are turning into an old curmudgeon. :roll:

<img src="http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/110302/we-hate-classic-rock.gif" alt=" - " />

Originally posted by the scientist:
I am no expert on this, but wasnt fire walk with me a prequal to twin peaks? So shouldnt you have watched that first.

which would you've rather seen first: star wars or phantom menace? 'fire' is a waste of time unless you've seen the series beforehand.

I feel like I've been blessed to have never lived under the roof of a house that had the scourge of cable tv/MTV (save for the year that I spent living with my parents right after grad school). I just remember occasionally seeing MTV in passing at places like the gym and getting really pissed that music was evolving into something where popularity was very dependendent on photogeneity rather than musical quality.

So it heartens me to hear that MTV doesn't play music videos anymore, and that hopefully the importance of music video has diminished. As Steve Earle once said, "God, I hate MTV."

So you determined this while working out at the gym? You weren't trying to look better were you?

Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
I just remember occasionally seeing MTV in passing at places like the gym and getting really pissed that music was evolving into something where popularity was very dependendent on photogeneity rather than musical quality.

Anybody who has ever seen me with my shirt off knows that I'm not working out to look good. More like working out to stay healthy and not let my love of food make me obese and unhealthy. :) I know, the smiley is totally unhip…

Originally posted by thirsty moore:
So you determined this while working out at the gym? You weren't trying to look better were you?

Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
I just remember occasionally seeing MTV in passing at places like the gym and getting really pissed that music was evolving into something where popularity was very dependendent on photogeneity rather than musical quality.

Was I the only one that thought that review came off very ignorant and…… :eek: racist?

Perhaps too strong of a word and maybe the deadpan sarcastic wit of vansmack just flew over my head, but that's the impression I got.

Ignorant, perhaps. But I think that was intended. Racist, no.

Originally posted by cholo:
Was I the only one that thought that review came off very ignorant and…… :eek: racist?

Perhaps too strong of a word and maybe the deadpan sarcastic wit of vansmack just flew over my head, but that's the impression I got.

Ignorant: yes
Racist: no

Originally posted by cholo:
Was I the only one that thought that review came off very ignorant and…… :eek: racist?

Perhaps too strong of a word and maybe the deadpan sarcastic wit of vansmack just flew over my head, but that's the impression I got.

Ignorant: yes
Racist: no

Originally posted by cholo:
Was I the only one that thought that review came off very ignorant and…… :eek: racist?

Perhaps too strong of a word and maybe the deadpan sarcastic wit of vansmack just flew over my head, but that's the impression I got.

It may have flown over your head.

It was not intended as a racist piece and I am about the furthest thing from a racist. I was poking fun at MTV's blatant direct marketing at african americans from their choice of commercials to run and videos to air at 3 AM, the one time they actually choose to air videos. As far as the lack of artistry in rap videos, it's pretty obvious by watching so I won't explain my stance there.

But as Rhett pointed out, my ignorance was intended because nobody on this board wants to read a serious article about what one observer thinks MTV is trying to do with its marketing and video choices. Hell, I didn't think anybody wanted to read my humorous attempt at it either, but I was bored and felt like having some fun.

I'm sorry if it offended and please don't take my deadpan sarcastic wit literally at all. As usual, I was taking the piss for the most part.

What commercials directly target-market an African-American audience? Probably if I watched more tv, I could hazzard a guess.

My wife was convinced that you must have been stoned when you wrote it. Probably if I had smoked more weed back in my youth, I could hazzard a guess at to the truth of that belief.