29 thoughts about the apparent sexiness of conor oberest

1. You can't walk five feet anymore without someone going nuts about Conor Oberst. Just today the girl at the bagel shop called him "the next Bob Dylan," and my mailman said he was "blown away" by his "trenchant, gut-wrenching lyrics that make him seem like a precocious mix of Joan Baez and Leonard Cohen."

2. Okay, I'm making up the thing about the mailman, but still. People won't shut up about the guy.

3. I have to admit it: I'm having a tough time getting on the bandwagon. I think he's pretty inspiring as a story, genuinely decent as a human being, and he's got a neat haircut, but he strikes me as a bit of a guitar-pounder who never met a lyric he couldn't overwrite, and you can find a lot of those at an open mike near you. Something tells me without the neat haircut, he'd just be Conor, the guy serving me a Mochaccino in Omaha.

4. I feel evil saying these things. I mean, pop music is truly terrible. We should be bending over backwards to thank guys like Conor Oberst for existing. Who would we rather have, Ashlee Simpson?

5. I mean, really, it's probably just me. I can't handle young genius of any kind. I'm a huge jerk. Really.

6. Still, if some guy showed up at your house party and started playing heart-tugging songs like Conor Oberst does, you'd be like, "Who is this clown?"

7. Which is to say: musical genius is all about the context. Put Conor Oberst on Austin City Limits and it's like, "Wow, guy's a genius." Put him on the subway, and it's like, "Shut up, dude! I'm trying to read Harry Potter."

8. I'm probably just envious. Conor Oberst has done more by the age of twenty-four than I'd do with five lifetimes. When I was twenty-four I spent most of my time trying to watch porn on scrambled cable channels.

9. When Chopin was around, was there some idiot like me writing stuff like, "I don't get all the fuss!"

10. One thing that's cool about being Conor Oberst is that the girls who like you aren't those cheesy bubbleheads who are into Sugar Ray and Maroon 5. The girls who are into Conor Oberst are more like those long-legged, purple-haired girls you see on the train who are so comically pretty and stylish you can't believe they actually exist, and by the time you get to your stop you've actually courted, dated and married them in your head.

11. The reason some guys don't like Conor Oberst as much as girls do: every guy has had a girl leave him for a guy like Conor Oberst â?? that is, a smart guy who pays attention to stuff.

12. But it's not like guys don't have their Conor Obersts, either. Guys are the worst â?? we'll fall in love with any singer who's smart and cute. Who's that harp girl? Joanna Newsom? Geez Louise. I love her, and I have vacuum cleaners that sound better than that.

13. My personal Conor Oberst is Aimee Mann. Totally embarrassing, I know. Fifty years from now people will be like, "What the fuck is this?"

14. I was going to see Aimee Mann in concert not too long ago, but I chickened out. I didn't want to be surrounded by my pasty kind, standing there in our ripped jeans and Howard Dean T-shirts.

15. My new Conor Oberst is that dancehall girl M.I.A. She's amazing. In my fantasy life we've just gotten a new apartment and some kick-ass paintings.

16. If you're Conor Oberst, it's not like Natalie Portman is some kind of unattainable fantasy. It's actually real. One night she's at your show, grooving out. Then the next morning she's smoking a cigarette in your kitchen while you're calling your grandma to get her buttermilk pancake recipe.

17. Or if not Natalie Portman, at least someone like Maggie Gyllenhaal.

18. Cool rock kids like to be snobby about celebrities, but when you think about it, everyone took it pretty easy on Jack White for going out with Renée Zellweger. That's like the 2005 equivalent of William Burroughs dating Charo.

19. I've kind of had it with cool soundtracks like The O.C., Life Aquatic and Garden State. It's like, "Okay, okay, the director has eclectic taste â?? would it kill you to pick a Bob Seger song?"

20. I told my friend I didn't like Garden State, and it was as if I told him his mom was fat. People are bonkers about that movie.

21. It took me a long time to warm up to the White Stripes, too, so maybe I'm going to have my Conor Moment later on.

22. Besides, it takes me a while even to listen to stuff. I finally got around to buying that Kanye West album. I haven't listened to a lick of Interpol, The Rapture or Franz Ferdinand. I did see a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt in Urban Outfitters, though, which really killed them for me.

23. It's exhausting to keep up with new music. Sometimes I think I should throw out everything except Stevie Wonder's Talking Book, and I'd be perfectly happy.

24. I wonder if some people pissed on Talking Book when it came out. If so, I would like to travel back in time and fight them.

25. For the longest time, I thought Conor Oberst's name was Bright Eyes. I still don't get the distinction, even though it's been explained to me forty-five times.

26. And I actually wrote a whole draft of this piece calling him "Conor Oberest." What a duncecap.

27. I didn't go see the Pixies. Life somehow moved on for me.

28. No one did it better than Fugazi. Does saying that really date me, in an awful, pathetic way?

29. Do you think Conor Oberst really can make buttermilk pancakes?

Originally posted by Rhett Miller:

29. Do you think Conor Oberst really can make buttermilk pancakes?

yes and i'll bet they are the best butter milk pancakes……….eveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Bright Eyes is not the new Bob Dylan. More like the new Dashboard Confessional.

I knew there was no way he wrote that. And if he did he has WAY too much time on his hands.

Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
6. Still, if some guy showed up at your house party and started playing heart-tugging songs like Conor Oberst does, you'd be like, "Who is this clown?"

This reminded me of the scene in Animal House at the toga party where John Belushi smashes the guitar of the guy sitting on the stairs serenading two adoring girls with that interminable song. That's Conor Oberst.

Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
29. Do you think Conor Oberst really can make buttermilk pancakes?

No…but I do think that he can whine enough to get some Indie chic to make them for him.

Rhett, I do so wish that you would learn to quote your sources.

Originally posted by poorlulu:

Originally posted by Rhett Miller:

29. Do you think Conor Oberst really can make buttermilk pancakes?

yes and i'll bet they are the best butter milk pancakes……….eveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Sounds like lulu wants Conor to butter her milk pancakes.

And how can anyone be taken seriously as a writer when they can't even spell their own name correctly? Two 'n's in Connor you pretentious prick!

Yeah, I'm sure he named himself.
There are plenty of Jenifers out there.

he's cute and he plays guitar.

I for one think he's just o-kay. I find his lyrics to be a tad trite.

But, the boy is terribly cute.

His hairstyle is so 1994. Like most guys, he's held onto the same haircut since he was 13. If he was pushing 40, he'd have a mullet.

And the guy can't weigh more than 110 pounds. Come on, what woman would really want a guy who weighs less than her?

Originally posted by K8teebug:
he's cute and he plays guitar.

I for one think he's just o-kay. I find his lyrics to be a tad trite.

But, the boy is terribly cute.

<img src="http://server6.uploadit.org/files/Dakini-MadCat.JPG" alt=" - " />

Originally posted by K8teebug:
he's cute and he plays guitar.

I for one think he's just o-kay. I find his lyrics to be a tad trite.

But, the boy is terribly cute.

i used to think the same until i saw a picture of he and Emmylou Harris where he's smiling (a rare photo op, I'm sure); he looked terrible! moping and expressionless is definitely the way to go until he gets those funky teeth fixed.

<img src="http://www.ilovebacon.com/012405/head.jpg" alt=" - " />
which conor oberst are you?

Originally posted by Random Citizen:
&lt;img src="http://server6.uploadit.org/files/Dakini-MadCat.JPG" alt=" - " /&gt;

I agree, Bright Eyes is a pussy

I guess he's okay. Skinnier taller version of Ryan Adams me thinks. I prefer that cute youngin' from the show w/ Sandra Bernhardt and who was it, Bob Mould?

Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
His hairstyle is so 1994. Like most guys, he's held onto the same haircut since he was 13. If he was pushing 40, he'd have a mullet.

Should you really be critiquing another man's haircut?

What exactly do you call this? The "comb-forward"? It looks like you colored it as well. Is that Cinnaberry or Spiced Auburn?

<img src="http://robbiefulks.com/images/profiles/large/00358_0.559979621394636.jpg" alt=" - " />

Shut up, Napoleon Dynamite.

No, I have never colored my hair, though Bright Eyes appears to color his.

And I will take my haircut over his silly haircut, anyday.

Originally posted by ggwâ?¢:

Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
[qb] His hairstyle is so 1994. Like most guys, he's held onto the same haircut since he was 13. If he was pushing 40, he'd have a mullet.

Should you really be critiquing another man's haircut?

What exactly do you call this? The "comb-forward"? It looks like you colored it as well. Is that Cinnaberry or Spiced Auburn?

By the way – tell your mom that some tricep dips should help rid her of those unsightly "bingo arms"

<img src="http://robbiefulks.com/images/profiles/large/00358_0.559979621394636.jpg" alt=" - " />

i love allmusic.com and Stephen Thomas Erlewine, their head critic … usually they grade their records on kind of an "expectation scale", instead of by personal preference … ie, kenny chesney got 4/5 stars for his latest album, because its good for what it is …

here is Erlewine's 2/5 star review of the new bright eyes albums …

by Stephen Thomas Erlewine

When writing about Conor Oberst, the singer/songwriter who records with an ever-changing group of musicians under the name Bright Eyes, it is customary to state his age within the first few sentences of the piece. It is also not uncommon to read comparisons between this Nebraskan singer/songwriter and Bob Dylan, the best-known singer/songwriter to hail from the Midwest. This serves a specific purpose – to establish a context for Oberst's songwriting, to imply that he's some kind of "genius," not in the least for writing and recording albums at such a young age, particularly since he's been recording since the age of 13. And so many albums, too! Taking a page from the Robert Pollard handbook, he equates prolificness with profoundness, releasing multiple records each year, sometimes under different band names. All these pop critic cliches repeated ad infinitum in the new millennium's overheated media circuit settled into conventional wisdom not long after the release of his fourth proper album Lifted or the Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground in 2002. Positive reviews, all praising his ambition, endless lyrics and apparent sincerity, flowed in and a cult started to form around Oberst. By 2004, he was nearly inescapable, appearing everywhere from The OC – where Lifted was part of the Seth Cohen Starter Pack – to representing the younger generation on Moveon.Org's Vote for Change tour (which could be a reason why John Kerry couldn't motivate collegiate voters), culminating in Bright Eyes suddenly and surprisingly topping the Billboard singles charts with two singles.All this set the stage for the release of a pair of new Bright Eyes albums in the first weeks of 2005: the acoustic-based I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning and the electronic-inflected Digital Ash in a Digital Urn. The timing is no accident: big albums are rarely released in the musical graveyard of January, so Oberst had no competition for headlines this time around. He was in every magazine, from Rolling Stone to Newsweek, and the reviews were uniformly positive, trotting out all the familiar "gifted youth" and "next Dylan" boilerplate, but this time, there was a difference. Most reviews were written from the perspective that it was taken for granted that this kid sure was a genius, the next great rock & roll star. It was as if standing on-stage with Michael Stipe and Bruce Springsteen in the fall of 2004 was tantamount to Oberst inheriting their throne as rock statesmen, even if his music has little, if anything, to do with that of R.E.M. or the Boss, or for anything that could be construed as mass popular music, for that matter. Oberst comes from the post-ironic stream of indie rock, not quite emo but certainly not part of the arch, alternately ironic and bittersweet aesthetic that marked the style's heyday in the first two-thirds of the '90s. He's leapfrogged over Chris Carrabba in Dashboard Confessional to be the figurehead for how certain strands of modern rock is judged solely on whether it's a personal emotional expression or not, never taking into account such niceties as craft, in either music or lyrics, or in the sheer impact of the music. It's a million miles removed from the sprawling narratives of Springsteen, the jangled Southern mysticism of R.E.M. or, certainly, the poetry and roadhouse rock & roll of Bob Dylan, and nowhere is that clearer than on I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning, Oberst's first high-profile, straight-ahead singer/songwriter record.Last time around, Oberst shoved all of his interests into one long, overstuffed pseudo-epic, but with I'm Wide Awake and Digital Ash, he isolates the country-rock confessionals on the former and saves the messy modernistic indie rock for the latter, as if to counter the criticisms that he can't focus. I'm Wide Awake is designed as a nakedly honest singer/songwriter album, somewhat inspired by the classics of the genre in the '70s – he even recruits Emmylou Harris for some harmonies, hoping that some of the old Gram Parsons' magic will rub off – but its directness reveals that the emperor has no clothes. Stripped of the careening, dramatic, meandering arrangements of Lifted, Oberst's music seems not simpler, but simplistic, the plodding music acting as a bed for monochromatic melodies that merely serve as a delivery mechanism for all those words he's poured out on the page. Far from being the second coming of Dylan, Oberst is as precious as Paul Simon, but without any sense of rhyme or meter or gift for imagery, puking out lines filled with cheap metaphors and clumsy words that don't scan. Supporters excuse this as soul-searching, but the heavy-handed pretension in the words and the affectedness in his delivery – not to mention the quavering bleat that's halfway between Feargal Sharkey and the Dead Milkmen's Rodney Anonymous – give the whole enterprise a sense of phoniness that's only enhanced by its unadorned production. When Oberst was swallowed in the deliberate grandeur of Lifted, his drama queen theatrics fit the music, but here, they expose him for the shallow poseur he is. As the record winds down, it's clear that Bright Eyes is little more than a pretty boy in a sweater who's idea of being clever is appropriating Beethoven's Ode to Joy for "Road to Joy" – a move that makes you grateful that Billy Joel at least knew enough Beethoven to steal a lesser-known melody for "This Night" (and, being the stand-up guy that he is, Billy gave him a co-writing credit, something Conor doesn't do here).Digital Ash in a Digital Urn is designed to be the musical polar opposite to I'm Wide Awake, to be the ambitious, modernistic electronic record that stands in contrast to the sepia-toned, classicist acoustic LP, but it suffers from nearly all the same flaws as its companion. The production and arrangements may have changed, but the music still serves as little more than a vehicle for Oberst's tortured prose. Here, the lines are clipped instead of languid as they are on I'm Wide Awake, but instead of scaling back his words and sharpening his attack, he piles on even more words, littering the songs with awkward illusions and clunky couplets. While the music moves the words forward more here than on I'm Wide Awake, it's merely as punctuation for certain lyrical phrases, not for the song as a whole. Nevertheless, that variety in the music makes Digital Ash a more interesting listen than its companion, but only up to a certain point. Ultimately, it's hard not to feel that this album is little more than a blatant attempt to ape the Postal Service's Give Up, right down to Jimmy Tamborello's appearance halfway through the LP. Not that rip-offs are necessarily a bad thing – it's at the heart of pop music – but since Oberst lacks the most basic musical skill, which is to know how to make music sound good on a sheer sonic level, Digital Ash collapses in a mess of preening pretension. And don't chalk up its weakness to youth, either, or suggest that he'll get better with age. Paul McCartney was 22 at the height of Beatlemania. At the age of 23, Dylan made Bringing It All Back Home, Neil Young released Everybody Knows This is Nowhere and Jackson Browne cut his debut. Kurt Cobain was 24 when Nirvana recorded Nevermind, the same age Conor Oberst was when he released the pair of albums that prove without a shadow of a doubt that instead of reaching musical maturity, he's wallowing in a perpetual adolescence.