Official 930 Club COLONOSCOPY thread

I forgot, we actually have a thread for this :)

I know this isn't the medical questions thread, but what are people's opinion on Cologuard
they sure do advertize a lot
I'd rather poop in a box and mail it than have a Dr stick a long, flexible, tubular instrument about 1/2-inch in diameter up to my Large intestine

Fuck that shit!

wait, are you contemplating having sex with my stool sample??

First time I've heard of it, but I think I'll stick with the tried and true.


As a board-certified colon & rectal surgeon, I’m often asked about the differences between colonoscopies with your doctor vs. the Cologuard at-home test. Cologuard has raised lots of hype recently with all the tv, print and digital advertising. Questions have been raised: Is Cologuard as safe as a colonoscopy? Is Cologuard as effective as a colonoscopy? Unfortunately, the answer is no.

Cologuard does not prevent colon cancer like colonoscopies do

Cologuard is a do-it-yourself, mail-in DNA test that helps detect some colon cancers—but it’s not a great preventative because it detects cancers only AFTER you have developed it. On the other hand, a colonoscopy PREVENTS colon cancer by removing the potentially cancerous polyps before they become cancerous. Colonoscopies detect 92% of colorectal cancers and precancerous polyps. That’s a big, potentially lifesaving difference that supports colonoscopy over other screening methods.

As a colonoscopy provider, I will carefully examine your large bowel using a thin, high-tech tube with a tiny camera at the end, and remove cancer-causing polyps. The procedure is completely painless, and takes less than 30 minutes. The polyps are sent to the lab and analyzed to identify the type of polyp(s) you have. That way I know when we need to see you next.

Cologuard, however, involves no visual element and no removal of cells. It detects the presence of abnormal DNA through testing your stool—and 42% of the time it does not catch precancerous polyps. It detects only 69% of polyps with high-grade dysplasia, which is a term that describes how much your polyp(s) looks like cancer under the microscope. These statistics published by the government’s National Institute of Health (NIH) provide troubling data, and indicate Cologuard is far less effective than colonoscopy.

I've used the cologard at my Dr's suggestion. I've done it both ways and much prefer shitting in a box. May not be as accurate but worth the risk in my case

Bamboo-Hatch wrote:
wait, are you contemplating having sex with my stool sample??

Guys, I am not going to use my literary talents to write erotic forum fan-fiction. Stop trying to goad me.

My Dr specifically advised against those kind of tests

Geezus how bad can a colonoscopy be?

Man up

Starsky wrote:
My Dr specifically advised against those kind of tests

Geezus how bad can a colonoscopy be?

Man up

As a younger boardee that has had two!!! (OMG), it's not really that bad… It's the prep that's not great, however, treat it as a cleanse.

Yada wrote:

As a younger boardee that has had two!!!

Jules, not sure how you can incorporate this into your erotic fan fiction, but two assholes can really be a great plot device

Thank God for this thread.  Based on the time frame of when I had my last one, I realized it's time for me to pucker up the ass again.

Cue Julian's hot story.

yeah…the prep sucks.  I'll box mine…thanks.

jeffml wrote:
yeah…the prep sucks.  I'll box mine…thanks.

At the risk of posting something positive, I love the cleaned out feeling after the prep.

How dare you!! You just did that to spite me

I've had like 10, and yes the prep is still the worst part, but there are ways to make it better:

(1) Get a Toto, warm the seat, wash the bum.  Life changing.
(2) Sit on the pot with your feet raised.  Anything that will keep your feet raised about a foot above the ground (and keeps your knees above your waist) will be more comfortable and easier to flow.
(3) If you have to drink the liquid prep, keep the liquid in a cooler or ice bucket next to you, and only pour enough that you will drink at a time.  The colder the liquid, the easier it will go down.
(4) Binge-watch something while you're on the pot - grab a tablet or laptop and watch something you're really into.  You'll be shocked how fast time will fly by.

10!
jez, do you get a badge for that?
Is your next one free

don't you do these at some sort of clinic/dr's office…how do you get the toto in there?

I'm a big fan of the bidet, added one to my toilet and it really was life-changing, I'm not joking
cost $99   and I was able to install (meaning easy and limited tools)
I don't have the warm water, but I can deal and the seat isn't heated

I think the feet raised thing is recommended daily too

vansmack wrote:
I've had like 10, and yes the prep is still the worst part, but there are ways to make it better:

(1) Get a Toto, warm the seat, wash the bum.  Life changing.
(2) Sit on the pot with your feet raised.  Anything that will keep your feet raised about a foot above the ground (and keeps your knees above your waist) will be more comfortable and easier to flow.
(3) If you have to drink the liquid prep, keep the liquid in a cooler or ice bucket next to you, and only pour enough that you will drink at a time.  The colder the liquid, the easier it will go down.
(4) Binge-watch something while you're on the pot - grab a tablet or laptop and watch something you're really into.  You'll be shocked how fast time will fly by.

I find warmer liquid easier to chug, but that's just me…

Bamboo-Hatch wrote:
10!
jez, do you get a badge for that?
Is your next one free

don't you do these at some sort of clinic/dr's office…how do you get the toto in there?

I'm a big fan of the bidet, added one to my toilet and it really was life-changing, I'm not joking
cost $99   and I was able to install (meaning easy and limited tools)
I don't have the warm water, but I can deal and the seat isn't heated

I think the feet raised thing is recommended daily too

Oh look at you mr. fancy shit pants!!!

Yada wrote:
I find warmer liquid easier to chug, but that's just me…

I think it has more to do with the taste, that's why they serve crappy beer really cold, not the chugablity

Yada wrote:
I find warmer liquid easier to chug, but that's just me…

GoLytely changes viscosity and taste as it warms.  I find it doesn't taste bad when it's cold and is much more fluid.  As it warms it becomes more syrupy and harder to drink in my experience.

Otherwise, yes, I prefer warmer drinks to chug.

Bamboo-Hatch wrote:
don't you do these at some sort of clinic/dr's office…how do you get the toto in there?

The procedure is at the hospital, yes, but all of the prep is at home.  You drink a gallon of liquid that flows right through you about 12-16 hours before your procedure (although the last time I did it was 2/3 the night before and 1/3 morning of which was a nice change).

Bamboo-Hatch wrote:
10!
jez, do you get a badge for that?
Is your next one free

I was diagnosed with Crohns and Colitis about a decade ago and was getting the procedure done annually.  However, my most recent colonoscopy revealed that I am currently in 100% full remission so I don't have to get one in 2021.  Kind of the best news from Covid-days…. 

Bamboo-Hatch wrote:
I think the feet raised thing is recommended daily too

Absolutely.  I use my daughters step-stool for washing her hands on the daily….