Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo

Julian, wrote:
What's in your cupboards?

Nambé and Heath Ceramics.

Julian, wrote:
They did it! Team Oracle pulls off the greatest comeback in sports history! We'll be celebrating long into the night here in The America, but check back tomorrow for our full recap!

What did Team Oracle do? Get their database release out before Team SQL Server?

America's Cup 2013

The sporting event of the year came and went in shocking, near orgasmic fashion! The greatest testament to man's physical ability, mental acumen, and dominion over nature – yachting – played out in a 3+ week thunderstorm of precision racing off the shores of San Francisco's scenic bay. Truly the world's most byzantine sport, what better way to celebrate Julian's America than to revel in Actual America's unbelievable come from behind victory from 0 to -2 at the beginning of the regatta (and was 8-1 for the Kiwis at one point!) to win 9-8 in 19 races. Truly, to compare the 2004 Red Sox's flukey comeback against the New York Yankees to this stunning accomplishment would be like comparing the birth of Jesus Christ to a back-alley, prom-night dumpster abortion.

For the uninitiated, allow us a moment to break our traditional narrative format to highlight all the reasons yachting truly stands as the greatest metaphor for the Julian's American lifestyle:

[li]The combination of technology with the old-world luxury of yachting: Long ago, in a one-off Julian's Somalia article, we highlighted the danger of yacht owners being lumped in with mere "boat" owners, and laid out the case for yacht owners to truly be a cut above. Well, America's Cup takes that foundation of multi-generational wealth and combines it with the elite advancements in modern technology. Indeed, the very definition of Julian's America.[/li]

[li]Inclusion: If there's anything America's Cup is about, it's inclusion. Why Team Oracle USA's is a sterling example; the crew is made up, not only of Americans, but of the best and brightest Britian, Australia, New Zealand, and France have to offer! What could be more inclusive than billionaires getting the absolute elite talent from around the world together for an enjoyable day getting some sun and fighting off their mutual pastiness. As always, Julian's America knows no national boundaries, and neither does America's Cup.[/li]

[li]The exposing of hypocrisy: Despite cries from uninformed masses that yachting is somehow elitist, we saw in this America's Cup the clear display that it is, in fact, poor (possibly migrant) workers CHOOSING to not participate in yachting's glory. America's Cup featured no less than 20 $100-plate cocktail parties around the festivities, which were poorly attended by the poor, DESPITE THE FACT they were open and available to anyone willing to pay the entry fee. No one was keeping them out but themselves! Additionally, we continue to see inner-city youths take up sailing at alarmingly low rates DESPITE THE FACT that several urban blighted areas such as Washington DC, Baltimore, Detroit, Southside Chicago, the four boroughs of NYC not named Manhattan, Philadelphia, et al existing on coastlines with an abundance of water nearby for sailing. Melville would be rolling in his grave at the thought of such exorbitant landlessness going unused! [/li]

[li]The affirmation of judging people by wealth: If America's Cup proved anything in 2013, its that wealth natural finds the most-deserving of our society. Many dream of one day being wealthy and doing selfish things like buying homes for their parents or putting their ragamuffin children through some vocational school in the south. Larry Ellison sat on his private island in Hawaii and thought about how he could use his Oracle fortune to give back and win the Auld Mug for all the people of his homeland. Charity is more than just a girls name in Julian's America! [/li]

[li]The confirmation of the spoils system: An oft overlooked fact is that the winner of the America's Cup gets to decide the venue, rules, and boat specifications for the next America's Cup, much as the winners in fields of politics, industry, and eugenics set the laws for their nations. Our truest aristocrat, Larry Ellison: can we start planning on America's Cup - The Maldives for 2016?? Here's hoping!

So, gentle readers, its time to look back and bask in the joy that is the most thrilling America's Cup in recent memory! So long ago seem the days when rogue hooligans would damage the beloved Cup in protest, rather, we woke this morning to children in Atlanta and Detroit and your local country club celebrating one of the brightest days in American history and dreaming of one day accomplishing so much themselves, if not in yachting, then at least in dressage, polo, or even lacrosse. An inspiration to us all, may James Spithill live 10,000 years!

Julian's America Score: 10 out of 10

Julian, wrote:it's inclusion. Why Team Oracle USA's is a sterling example; the crew is made up, not only of Americans, but of the best and brightest Britian, Australia, New Zealand, and France have to offer!

The crew was not made up of "Americans" but four Australians, two Kiwis, and one sailor each from the United States, Britain, Italy, Holland and Antigua.  I think you missed your opportunity here to write about the real Julian's America Billionaires outsourcing to win.

And the vast majority of San Francisco is very happy to see it go.  The short term leases signed by the teams and fans of the "sport" are the main reason SF has now passed NYC as the nations least affordable place to live.  The rebalancing will be a joy to watch shake out.  If you're too snooty to garner even the slightest bit of attention from a group of Americans that love the smell of their own farts, have you really made a mark?

What I'm most interested in is your take on the concerts that were organized for the Julian American's who watch the America's Cup:

Imagine Dragons
Sting
Steve Miller Band and The Doobie Brothers
Counting Crows and The Wallflowers
311 with Cypress Hill and G. Love & Special Sauce
Weezer with The Limousines
Sublime with Rome, Descendents and Pennywise
Cheech & Chong with WAR
Train with The Script and Gavin DeGraw
The Jonas Brothers with Karmin
Steely Dan with Deep Blue Organ Trio
Heart with Jason Bonham?s Led Zeppelin Experience
Jason Mraz with Walk Off The Earth
Sammy Hagar and the Wabos with Rival Sons
Journey with Tower of Power
Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros with Midlake
Fall Out Boy with Panic! At The Disco and Twenty One Pilots
The Lumineers with Dr. Dog and Nathaniel Rateliff
The Avett Brothers with Nicholas David

That's your America in Music.  Enjoy.

vansmack wrote:
What I most interested in is your take on the concerts that were organized for the Julian American's who watch the America's Cup:

Imagine Dragons
Sting
Steve Miller Band and The Doobie Brothers
Counting Crows and The Wallflowers
311 with Cypress Hill and G. Love & Special Sauce
Weezer with The Limousines
Sublime with Rome, Descendents and Pennywise
Cheech & Chong with WAR
Train with The Script and Gavin DeGraw
The Jonas Brothers with Karmin
Steely Dan with Deep Blue Organ Trio
Heart with Jason Bonham?s Led Zeppelin Experience
Jason Mraz with Walk Off The Earth
Sammy Hagar and the Wabos with Rival Sons
Journey with Tower of Power
Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros with Midlake
Fall Out Boy with Panic! At The Disco and Twenty One Pilots
The Lumineers with Dr. Dog and Nathaniel Rateliff
The Avett Brothers with Nicholas David

That's your America in Music.  Enjoy.

Soundtrack for a generation! Where's Steve Winwood, though!?

walkonby wrote:

How did you not go with this version? I mean come on, man, I'm not always going to throw you these underhanded slow pitches!

So I was reading Savage Love last week, and I was sort of wondering if this letter was from Julian.

I'm a 23-year-old homo who came out one year ago. Life has done good and bad things to me. Good things include success in the intelligence lottery, a full ride to college, and now a job with a six-figure income. Sadly, I find that my place in life is different from the place occupied by most other young gay men. When meeting someone, I am often bummed to discover that they are in a state of transience (between cities, between degrees), or bummed because I detect a difference in socioeconomic upbringing/status that will make it hard for us to relate to each other, or bummed because they are not as smart as I am, or most often bummed over a combination of all these things. These thoughts sap my interest in new people, telling me that "it just wouldn't work." Am I right to think that and keep looking, or should I do some substantial "rounding up to one" and go on that second date, even though the odds of compatibility seem slim?

Lots Of First Dates

I'm tempted to tell you not to go on "that second date" with anyone you feel is beneath you intellectually, socioeconomically, or status- or upbringing-wise?not to spare you his ghastly company, LOFD, but to spare him the ghastliness of yours.

Look, Gloria Upson, if dating gay men your own age means exposing yourself to guys who are in "states of transience"?completely normal states for dudes in their early 20s?then date guys in their 30s and 40s. Not that dating older guys is a surefire recipe for romantic success: Your snobbery, classism, and elitism are so repulsive that most older guys will be blocking your number before you can call about a second date.

Andrew Sullivan wrote a beautiful post at The Dish a few weeks ago about the egalitarianism of getting laid. He recalled dancing all night in a gay club full of African American guys back when he was a "cute twinky English schoolboy." And Andrew didn't just dance with the black guys he encountered after moving to Washington, DC.

"There's nothing like dating or fucking a person of another background, race, or class to help you see the humanity in everyone," Andrew wrote. "How do you get scared of generic young black men when you've danced with them all night long?… In that sense, I've always felt that being gay was a real moral blessing. I could have been so much worse a human being if I'd been straight."

You're young, LOFD, and I'm being hard on you. I don't mean to step on your ping-pong ball. But if you don't get a grip on your classism and snobbery, you will become so much worse a human being than you need to be. So snap the fuck out of it, okay? And remember: We gay people are a tiny, tiny minority. If you reject as potential partners, friends, and fuck buddies all gay men who aren't of your exact same class, education level, social status (ugh), or salary level (barf), LOFD, you won't be left with many guys to date, hang out with, or fuck.

Which is not to say that you'll wind up alone. Refusing to date any gay man who doesn't belong to the same club that Bunny Bixler does (and isn't pulling in 100K+ a year) will complicate your search for love, LOFD, but there are other gay snobs out there. You could find a boyfriend who's just like you, i.e., same class, same education, same income bracket, same snobbery and shitty-ass attitude. But I wouldn't wish that kind of guy on anyone, LOFD.

Not even on you.

julian . . . you never own a boat.  you becomes friends with peoples who have boats, and let them deal with the problems / nightmares that any boat owner will clue you to.  slow pitches, indeed.  and when it comes to cat pictures, you sometimes have to know when too much is too much.

also, one other thing.  james ford, that thing you posted, though well written and nice on the eyes . . . anybody that thinks that much and that hard about something so simple as falling in love, then perhaps that person should stop looking for it.  let it come to you.

James wrote:
So I was reading Savage Love last week, and I was sort of wondering if this letter was from Julian.

I would never read Savage Love. Did you know in the very first episode of this guy's quickly-cancelled TV show he visited – shudder! – Ohio State University? The horror. The white-trash-laden, meth-lab-y horror.

Also, LOFD's difficulties in finding a romantic partner in his socioeconomic class clearly belies his not belonging to a country club. QED not a Julian's American.

Julian, wrote:
Also, LOFD's difficulties in finding a romantic partner in his socioeconomic class clearly belies his not belonging to a country club. QED not a Julian's American.

but i didn't think that they let those types of people join country clubs…

sweetcell wrote:

Julian, wrote:
Also, LOFD's difficulties in finding a romantic partner in his socioeconomic class clearly belies his not belonging to a country club. QED not a Julian's American.

but i didn't think that they let those types of people join country clubs…

Depends on a lot of things. Depends on the specifc club. Depends on who the homosexual gentleman's parents are.

http://www.sbnation.com/golf/2013/10/6/4809496/presidents-cup-streaker

golf . . . who knew.

Burberry CEO comes over to run Apple's retail operations! Full review coming soon! My iPad with nova check tartan background has never seemed more prescient!

Julian, wrote:
Burberry CEO comes over to run Apple's retail operations! Full review coming soon! My iPad with nova check tartan background has never seemed more prescient!

I didn't realize Apple was struggling with retail….

Anyhow, I look forward to your review of Tamara Mellon's In My Shoes: A Memoir.

I don't think Julians's American will approve of this

J. Crew's Clothes Are About To Get Cheaper

http://www.businessinsider.com/j-crew-is-lowering-prices-2014-1

kosmo wrote:
I don't think Julians's American will approve of this

J. Crew's Clothes Are About To Get Cheaper

http://www.businessinsider.com/j-crew-is-lowering-prices-2014-1

We don't wear J Crew. You know little of our work.

vansmack wrote:

Julian, wrote:
Burberry CEO comes over to run Apple's retail operations! Full review coming soon! My iPad with nova check tartan background has never seemed more prescient!

I didn't realize Apple was struggling with retail….

Anyhow, I look forward to your review of Tamara Mellon's In My Shoes: A Memoir.

Yeah I went by the store in the mall and there were just a bunch of people in blue shirts standing around chatting.  I don't think there is much anyone can do as the FAD is over.  Maybe they can start having sales.

bow ties with button downs . . . discuss.  i approve, some do not.