My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45

people are not meant to be married to the same person for life…

Thurston wrote:
people are not meant to be married to the same person for life…

That sounds like a confession.

Space wrote:

Thurston wrote:
people are not meant to be married to the same person for life…

That sounds like a confession.

I call the belief two people should be together for life one of the great myths of life/organizing principles…. kind of like the belief in the existence of God…. people have to believe it to make their life bearable..doesn't make it true..

This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother?s crazy. He thinks he?s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don?t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that?s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they?re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

SideBurnedOut wrote:
This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother?s crazy. He thinks he?s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don?t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that?s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they?re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

"keep going through it" is the key to this wonderful Woody Allen quote…at least the way I hear it..

while looking up that one…had to post this one that made me chuckle again


Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Well now I'm fucked. I'm basically in love with one woman (who feels the same) and wanting to break off all my other goings-on, but I'm just dreading it. There's two other women I've been seeing, and I'm feeling compelled to break it off with them so that I don't fuck it up with my new match.

So here's a question for the chorus: what is the most acceptable and least hassle option of actually delivering a break-up to someone who has admitted, repeatedly, having very strong feelings. Also, sex has been involved with both.

I can't do this via text, can I? Phone call? Face-to-face meeting? Smoke signals? Just go completely ghost? I know face-to-face is optimal, but that involves scheduling and childcare and burning an entire no-kid evening, plus do I deliver the news at the outset and then we just go our separate ways? Do I deliver at the end of the night?

I intend to be completely honest about this, but I also want to break it off with the least amount of drama and hassle for me. Any advice? Fortunately, one of them is married with kids, so she won't have much standing to get all "HOW DARE YOU???" on me. The other lady, the aforementioned bartender, is going to be very tough because we've become very close, but I knew it was never going to really stick.

this thread, went from porn . . . to oprah, real quick.

You're 45, hopefully by now you know the best ways to deal with social situations, even if they're not the easiest route. You made your own mess, now stop being such a pussy and go do the right thing.

wait I lost track and am confused..relaxer you are  in love with the married woman whose husband hangs in the car? or is this somebody else?

do not "do the right thing" necessarily cause its usually "the wrong thing"…..

By "do the right thing", I mean simply break up with them in person as opposed to text, email, skywriting or snail mail.. If you're sticking your dick in their pussy and telling them you have feelings for them, an in-person breakup would be the courteous, gentlemanly thing to do.

Space wrote:
By "do the right thing", I mean simply break up with them in person as opposed to text, email, skywriting or snail mail.. If you're sticking your dick in their pussy and telling them you have feelings for them, an in-person breakup would be the courteous, gentlemanly thing to do.

not necessarily…. sometimes being really harsh.. being very mean and UN-gentlemanly puts the other person in an easier position to move on….

The "ghosting" approach could be best…

I mean what if Relaxer meets with her to break up and starts bawling cause its so hard for him? You think that would help???

What is the worst thing that can happen if he "ghosts" it? She'll hate his guts but that might be easier than just plain feeling sad that she lost the "awesome Relaxer who is a gentleman"…

I have found that often times people "do the right thing" just to be able to live with themselves and rationalize that it is the best thing "ethically"….but not necessarily so…

I can only comment on how I would prefer to be dumped, I can't pretend to know what others prefer. I'm guessing most of my friends would prefer the same; if i were on Facebook I'd ax them.

Face to face just isn't possible because that's 3 meetings (forgot that Japanese girl warranted the speech) of unknown duration so instead I wrote a long, detailed, emotional text to one of them and then cut/pasted new versions with specific references for the other two. Yeah it's cynical and shitty but if I was in their shoes, that's the way I'd want it.

Hutch, married woman was one of the three. The woman I'm into is a new one that I just hooked up with a week or two ago. I know, this shit moves quickly

The compassionate thing to do is spin these women off to various boardies of your own choosing.

New thread title…

My Journey into Becoming Coupled Again at Age 45



I already know I prefer single Relaxer tales.

Yada wrote:
New thread title…

My Journey into Becoming Coupled Again at Age 45



I already know I prefer single Relaxer tales.

+1

And this is an observation and not a judgment…but I've always wondered why some people want to get into a relationship so quickly after leaving a marriage. I guess some people just don't like being single/alone.

Believe me, the last thing I want is a damn relationship. My goals and strategies were aimed toward one thing – going out and meeting as many beautiful women as possible. I treasure the memories of having four women spend the night over four nights. I even told F (the woman I'm committing to for the moment) that I'm an emotional crime scene, I'm not at all ready for a relationship, I will never introduce you to my kids, I'm only good for once a week at best, and I'm a terrible boyfriend. But we just kept talking and I just getting more and more fond of her, and now we're at the point where it's not ethical to continue with her while banging three or four other women.

Is this permanent? Highly doubtful. I've known F for just a few weeks. She's a rare combination of all the things I want though, so I have to give it a shot. That said, I've told all the women I broke it off with that I'm "suspending" our thing. To a man, all have said I'm strongly encouraged to contact them when/if this blows over. And I intend to. And if none of them are available, then that's fine too. I'll just re-up my OKC profile and start over.

Space wrote:

Yada wrote:
New thread title…

My Journey into Becoming Coupled Again at Age 45



I already know I prefer single Relaxer tales.

+1

And this is an observation and not a judgment…but I've always wondered why some people want to get into a relationship so quickly after leaving a marriage. I guess some people just don't like being single/alone.

a lot of men need a woman to take care of them and tell them what to do….they get out of a divorce cause she leaves , the first person they date they marry.. she leaves again..another divorce…they get into a long term relationship…. I do not understand it…and if they are alone they are miserable! i know an elderly man with alzheimers.. moved into a retirement community.. was miserable until he found another woman to hang out with .. never mind she has no memory at all (he has some)… its actually the same man btw

I just ran the numbers and I've dated (in some form or another) eleven women since January. The fact that I had experiences/connections with 10 women before F is a good thing. This is not a case of buying the first house you visit. And while I think we're at the start of a very nice relationship, I would not put money on it lasting beyond this year only because I figure I'll fuck it up somehow. Hell, even yesterday I found myself sassy-chatting with a hot single mom at my son's baseball game and she texted me her number last night.