My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45

Relaxer wrote:

First of all Relaxer, the second part of your teenage story was amazing. True or not. Secondly, thank you for explaining tinder. I've been quite anxious and on the line about the app. I would be really choosy, but I don't like that it's based on just looks. It would be great to know what the person likes and then you can decide. I mean maybe it's because I'm 30 and a music nerd, but I can't ever date someone who doesn't like at least some of the stuff that I like. Maybe once I get a good haircut, I'll join Tinder just to see if I can get a date lol.

Tinder success is based a lot on looks. However, each profile has, in theory, a 500 word description in which to list likes and dislikes and to deliver an inkling of personality. Mine, for example, marries knowing hilarity with subtle intellect plus a few such-a-good-dad anecdotes. Not everyone leverages this opportunity but I've never swiped right on a description-less profile because Jesus Christ make an effort here people.

Also, on Tinder there are hundreds and hundreds of men – in your area! – so the numbers are in your favor that you will match with a good guy who is interested in you. Put right at the top of your profile that you are a music geek, and I guarantee you will generate interest. And if you do match, spend a few minutes (or hours) messaging with them before even thinking about meeting in person. If the dude is some thumbdick mongoloid, you should be able to glean this fairly quickly.

Finally, don't be put off thinking that it's an app just for beautiful people. For sure there are some impossibly attractive people like myself on there, but I see all walks of life on there looking for love, and God bless us all and our sexy endeavors.

Woah! Almost missed this solid comment! I appreciate the ideas, and the strange boost of confidence. Not sure if I'll jump at it, but maybe I will after I get my haircut and new glasses. I probably wouldn't try meeting someone in person until I have a really good game plan. Safety matters! And I sincerely hope you're right about being able to tell if some dude is a thumbdick mongoloid (great word by the way!). Okay I know I can separate out the creepers, but not sure about the bad mistakes. Oh wait, I'm 30. I'm suppose to have a ton of those, right??? And I agree on the blessing you said there ha.

So Walkonby is being so rude about my thread dying, plus Space asked if any of my efforts have panned out, so here's an update.

As reported previously, Tinder was a mini-disaster when my entire family was signed up along with me, so I cancelled that account. However, I took with it several matches I'd made. J is a mailwoman from Annapolis with fake boobs and lives with her parents, and normally I would've been turned off by everything except the mailwoman part but we had great witty text banter, and she was very aggressive/forward about us meeting, so what the hell. And we had a nice couple weeks of dating, but whereas it was lots of fun to be going back and forth with insults and put-downs via text, it got tiresome when our conversation consisted only of that. Plus, Annapolis. So that one faded.

This was followed by S, a Japanese anime cartoon person who defies all normal semblances to Actual Human Beings. She is like the weirdest JPOP song come to life. She dresses like Pippi Longstocking, is usually carrying one or more stuffed animals, has an amazing apartment (a block away from my office, rrrowwrrr) filled with the fucking weirdest toys you can imagine, and says things like "I will spend Sunday with a bag of apples!!!!!" and when I follow up later, she will report that it's exactly what she did. She is fucking WEIRD but I kind of love her. I can only hang out with her about once a week, and all of our liaisons have come very suddenly. Perfect example. I had a shitty date last night and right as I got home at 11:30, S texted me to come over and look at her new tuba. I get there and no shit, she has somehow acquired a tuba, though has no plans or intentions to learn how to play it. She said she just liked it. We chatted for 20 minutes about My Pretty Pony and then hit the sack.

The salacious one is something I have to be careful about because it's very sensitive. But I'm also having a clandestine affair with the married mother of one of my son's friends. This is straight up fucked up because she sneaks through the back alley and comes in the back door at midnight, even when my kids are asleep upstairs. We hook up and then she sneaks back home. I'm not entirely comfortable with this but I am a garbage person and it is just *so* convenient that I'm still figuring out how best to take an ethical stand. I'm pretty sure I will end this terrible affair very very soon, like perhaps December. 

My kids and their mom are away this week on Spring Break, so it's been an unusually active couple of days. Tonight I'm meeting a 50 year old woman who looks incredible for her age. She's also been very forward and insisted on meeting at a place close to my house, so we'll see about that. And tomorrow night is a woman I've never met but is a friend of my sister's and has apparently seen photos and such, so she emailed out of the blue on Monday and we set up cocktail hour for after work tomorrow.

Finally, there's S, a woman in my neighborhood that I've been out with four times and I really like her a lot. However, I don't think she's as into it as I am, and has been kind of distant. She always readily accepts my invites to meet for dinner, but we have dinner, I walk her home, we hug, and that's it. I get zero vibe that she's particularly interested in moving things forward. I'm also apprehensive about her because if she WAS into getting hot and heavy, I'm sure I'd fall in love with her immediately and then have a major problem on my hands because I can't be in a heavy relationship right now, it's just too soon. So I've stopped texting with S because I don't want to encourage a relationship that I'm not prepared to have and because playing hard to get might make her want me more. I know, I'm an emotional crime scene.

Either this is complete bullshit, or you are my new hero (or both)

Annapolis is great.  What is your problem with Annapolis?

Also, anime chick sounds awesome…

Because Annapolis is FAR. I'm very clear in my introductions that I want someone in the city, and then I get these damn messages from chicks in Pennsylvania and West Virginia. It's like last night. When S texts me  at 11:30 pm to come over, it's no problem because I'm on my bike in 5 minutes and at her place in 10 minutes. Annapolis? JESUS!

:D

My bad!  I thought it was because you hated the city.  I love Annapolis.  I did not have the introductory post memorized…

(also you might wanna edit your last post, you used a name instead of an initial…)

I get it.  Why travel 20 miles when you have 15-20 women, married, single, amputees, furries, etc., within a 1 mile radius randomly calling you to bang?  ::)

killsaly wrote:
:D

My bad!  I thought it was because you hated the city.  I love Annapolis.  I did not have the introductory post memorized…

(also you might wanna edit your last post, you used a name instead of an initial…)

It's more than 30 miles away

I wouldn't go to Annapolis for bangs cause its such a beatch to get there from Northern Virginia… you have to pretty much cut across DC- take NY Ave through the crackhoe district-to 50…

Relaxer wrote:
It's more than 30 miles away

She lives with her parents. That seems to be the bottom line in determining that she needed to get her ass to DC if she wanted a piece of you.

they should rename this to, the armchair doctor loveline thread

So I mete L last night, a 50 year old divorcee who was unusually proactive about us meeting, and how, and where. As in, when we met, she had a place picked out that was a block away from my house, she'd made the reservations, she'd researched the drinks, and during dinner she reminded me that my dog needed a walk and that she'd like to join me on this walk.

When we met, she was coming from work, so she was totally decked out in Executive Garb, with the power suit, pearls, corporate hair, etc. I on the other hand had only seen her casual, dressed-down pics so I showed up in a short-sleeve button-down and black jeans. Whoops! I even apologized but she said that's exactly how she pictured me, and it never proved to be an issue, though we probably looked like a mismatched couple. Which we totally are, but who cares. I also felt bad when she walked into the house because shit is a MESS, but she insisted it just looked "lived in" which I interpreted as "Let's do our filthy business and then I'm outta here." Ehh, no complaints here.

I'm genuinely not sure if I'll see her again. I kinda feel like I was consumed and she moved on.

I love it Relaxer!

I'm a little worried about tonight's meeting with (yet another!) L. She's been texting me a lot this week, and there's this cutesy wholesome quality to her, which isn't necessarily a negative, but last night she mentioned that she hopes it's ok if she only has ice tea at happy hour because she doesn't drink alcohol. Cue: record scratch, say whaaaaaa? I mean, she's a friend of my sister's, who is a raging but functional alcoholic, as am I to be honest. Plus I've noticed that all of her jokes are peachy-keeny wholesome jokes and she usually replies with some iteration of "Don't Go There!" or "TMI!" when I start referencing cockrings or reverse cowgirls. After last night's gymnastics, I don't know how excited I am with spending two hours talking about Little House on the Prairie. I suppose I could salvage it if anime girl or married mom is available later.

Final note – I got messaged on OKCupid last night by a woman who apparently is a killer pool player, so I'm genuinely excited about this one. I'm enjoying going out and meeting women to eat and drink and chat, but there's a samey element to it. Next week, I'll be meeting B at her favorite pool place, and that's going to be cool because it's doing an activity that I really enjoy. Plus, I had a girlfriend many years ago that was extremely good at pool and we had SO much fun going out and just destroying other couples at the tables.

The only drawback is when we're playing next week, I'm going to be dying for a dip, as I always chew when I play pool, but I'll feel compelled to hold off due to the ick factor. Though if I've had a few drinks, I may just not give a fukkk. "Bae, this here is a package deal [spit]"

I find it baffling that a guy your age would even want sex seemingly every night of the week. Is that due to you having been deprived of any pussy at the end of your marriage and now you're trying to make up for lost time?

Space wrote:
I find it baffling that a guy your age would even want sex seemingly every night of the week. Is that due to you having been deprived of any pussy at the end of your marriage and now you're trying to make up for lost time?

^downer…

Space wrote:
I find it baffling that a guy your age would even want sex seemingly every night of the week. Is that due to you having been deprived of any pussy at the end of your marriage and now you're trying to make up for lost time?

Maybe? Mostly though because it's fun and who cares

hutch wrote:

Space wrote:
I find it baffling that a guy your age would even want sex seemingly every night of the week. Is that due to you having been deprived of any pussy at the end of your marriage and now you're trying to make up for lost time?

^downer…

It's not about the quantity (well it's not as long as you're getting enough), it's about the quality.

I wonder if Magic Johnson, Wilt Chamberlain, or Gene Simmons ever fretted that there was a sameyness to their shenanigans?