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When reality reflects The Onion (redux)

jrpa
Joined: September 03, 2013 at 03:15 PM UTC
Posts: 29999
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 15, 2015 at 02:50 PM UTC #
Milkshitter wrote:
Maricopa County?s Sheriff Joe Arpaio gives a play-by-play of the events that led up to the arrest of suspect Michael Crawford, who purchased round-trip air fare and met up with an undercover police officer who was fronting as a horse pimp.
Within that article is a link to another worthy submission:

Man dies after butt-fucking himself against scarecrow with strap-on
Sidehatch
Joined: October 04, 2011 at 04:33 AM UTC
Posts: 25687
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 15, 2015 at 03:00 PM UTC #
Julian, wrote:
Milkshitter wrote:
Maricopa County?s Sheriff Joe Arpaio gives a play-by-play of the events that led up to the arrest of suspect Michael Crawford, who purchased round-trip air fare and met up with an undercover police officer who was fronting as a horse pimp.
Within that article is a link to another worthy submission:

Man dies after butt-fucking himself against scarecrow with strap-on

that made me laugh out loud
this quote from that was pretty classic too
Moure also told the press that ?there were no signs of violence? and, while they await the autopsy results, believe that the sex was of mutual consent

The scarecrow was consenting…how would they determine that?


although he was Argentine….so that does explain alot (awaits Hutch's smite of furious anger)
grateful
Joined: October 15, 2008 at 05:01 AM UTC
Posts: 11564
Lunatic Fringe: Honorary Board Members July 15, 2015 at 03:06 PM UTC #
There should be a new title to this thread
Sidehatch
Joined: October 04, 2011 at 04:33 AM UTC
Posts: 25687
Re: Lunatic Fringe: Honorary Board Members July 15, 2015 at 03:12 PM UTC #
grateful wrote:
There should be a new title to this thread

best Red Rider song ever!
sweetcell
Joined: July 18, 2006 at 05:01 AM UTC
Posts: 22608
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 02:19 PM UTC #
in the original WRRtO thread, the initial post contained something to the effect that politics should not be included in this thread, since political news in inherently surreal, absurd, etc.  the rise of Trump pushes political news into territory that not even the Onion could have dreamed up.

Trump to introduce Def Leppard at Iowa State Fair

Cedar Rapids, Iowa (CNN)Donald Trump is set to introduce 80s hair metal band Def Leppard at the Iowa State Fair on Aug. 15, two Iowa Trump campaign aides told CNN on Friday.

The concert, which also features bands Styx and Tesla, will take place at the State Fair Grandstand on the fairgrounds in Des Moines.

continued: http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/17/politics/donald-trump-iowa-state-fair-def-leppard/

donald trump… hair metal… get it?
grateful
Joined: October 15, 2008 at 05:01 AM UTC
Posts: 11564
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 03:19 PM UTC #
There should be a genre called "Toupee Metal".
jrpa
Joined: September 03, 2013 at 03:15 PM UTC
Posts: 29999
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 04:07 PM UTC #
Buttergolem has convinced herself she eats 1800 calories a day despite being morbidly obese

I swear to God, the next revision DSM-V needs to include fatlogic. This has to be a mental illness.

"I became fat during my teenage years due to a combination of medication and genetics." Uhh, no, you became fat because you're a lazy glutton.
grateful
Joined: October 15, 2008 at 05:01 AM UTC
Posts: 11564
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 05:00 PM UTC #
Weight gain is a side effect of certain medications
jrpa
Joined: September 03, 2013 at 03:15 PM UTC
Posts: 29999
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 05:10 PM UTC #
grateful wrote:
Weight gain is a side effect of certain medications

Oh, fuck off. Does the medication shovel the mashed potatoes directly into her mouth? Does the medication stop the fundamental laws of thermodynamics from working? Does the medication – which almost certainly did not affect her metabolism in any real significant way but let's pretend – make her incapable of increasing her calories burned through exercise or reducing her food intake to counterbalance her the effect of her medications? She's fat because she's a lazy, stupid being. Your constant fat acceptance on here is disgusting and nauseating. It's the moral equivalent of bringing a case of vodka and a kilo of coke to a rehab center.
grateful
Joined: October 15, 2008 at 05:01 AM UTC
Posts: 11564
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 05:56 PM UTC #
Your thinking is cloudy, and your judgement seems impaired.
jrpa
Joined: September 03, 2013 at 03:15 PM UTC
Posts: 29999
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 06:34 PM UTC #
grateful wrote:
Your thinking is cloudy, and your judgement seems impaired.

grateful
Joined: October 15, 2008 at 05:01 AM UTC
Posts: 11564
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 08:07 PM UTC #
Has he never heard of thyroid disorders?
jrpa
Joined: September 03, 2013 at 03:15 PM UTC
Posts: 29999
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 22, 2015 at 08:16 PM UTC #
grateful wrote:
Has he never heard of thyroid disorders?
How are you not smart enough to get this? Let's say someone has a thyroid disorder which causes their metabolism to slow greatly and reduces their BMR to, let's pretend, 1100 calories/day. You know what you do? YOU EAT 1,100 CALORIES A DAY. THAT IS ALL THE FUEL THAT HYPOTHETICAL PERSON NEEDS.
DeathFromAbove1979
Joined: November 29, 2006 at 06:01 AM UTC
Posts: 5038
Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux) July 23, 2015 at 05:11 PM UTC #
What a confusing headline
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