When reality reflects The Onion (redux)

Shemp wrote:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/11/22/suicide-bomber-squirrel-hospitalizes-chicago-politician-who-spoke-out-against-squirrels/?hpid=hp_rhp-morning-mix_mm-squirrel%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

lol

Takeda told CNN the park would unfreeze the skate rink to remove the fish, hold an "appropriate religious service" and then reuse them as fertilizer.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/28/asia/japan-frozen-fish-rink-trnd/index.html

UK money contains animal parts. Vegans horrified.

The U.K.'s new plastic money has a surprise ingredient: Animal fat
http://money.cnn.com/2016/11/29/news/pound-animal-fat-money-in-notes-bills/index.html

Argument Between Grandmas Ends In Shootout At Texas Walmart, Cops Say

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/grandma-shootout-at-walmart_us_583d828ce4b0860d611656ee

this has always been the beacon thread, away from the crazy threads.  how, ironic.

walkie,talkie wrote:
this has always been the beacon thread, away from the crazy threads.  how, ironic.

Haha!

vansmack wrote:

New Yorker Casually Walks Off With $1.6 Million In Gold Out Of An Armored Truck

GROUNDHOG DAY

here's one for Space:

Arrested German spy was a onetime gay porn actor ? and a secret Islamist
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/europe/arrested-german-spy-was-a-onetime-gay-porn-actor--and-a-secret-islamist/2016/11/30/57c44f1e-e068-4307-8ddf-848fda772306_story.html

i wonder if he liked lagers.

Trump?s pick to lead EPA is part of group suing the agency

excontradiction wrote:
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/07/trump-to-pick-oklahoma-attorney-general-pruitt-as-head-of-epa-source-confirms-to-cnbc.html

*head asplodes*

Yep.

Justin wrote:
Pinball ? once a source of ?vice and immorality? ? now legal in Kokomo, Ind., after 61-year ban

Ya got trouble, folks! Right here in Kokomo! Trouble with a capital "T" And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pinball!

N.C. Central Loses Celebration Bowl Thanks to Excessive Celebration Penalty

shemptiness wrote:
N.C. Central Loses Celebration Bowl Thanks to Excessive Celebration Penalty

The most cringeworthy part of this was the announcer (who is African American) said after the penalty had been called but before the miss something to the affect of "you can't call celebration penalties the same way for HBC players". Holy shit, dude.

^^ wait, your link has video of the exact quote. My bad.