When reality reflects The Onion (redux)

Dennis Rodman Claims To Have Broken His Penis Three Times

Article itself is SFW but the included video probably is not.

Julian, wrote:
Dennis Rodman Claims To Have Broken His Penis Three Times

Article itself is SFW but the included video probably is not.

He told this story for Viceland's "Party Legends" and I binged on this show over the weekend. Holy crap. So funny. Hit the Vice YouTube channel and look it up, they have a few of the full episodes up there. Stories about partying from famous actors, comedians, musicians, authors. Great stuff.

You-know-who will surely respond to this:

McDonald's hands out activity trackers with Happy Meals

Where's Billy?  He just ate at McDonalds. Let's look at the activity tracker that we got in his Happy Meal. Oh look, he's on the shitter.

ßèétſ wrote:
You-know-who will surely respond to this:

McDonald's hands out activity trackers with Happy Meals

I don't care about truckers BMIs. They're already less than people.

my candidate for headline of the year:

Sex pigs halt traffic after laser attack on Pokémon teens

ßèétſ wrote:
You-know-who will surely respond to this:

McDonald's hands out activity trackers with Happy Meals

Actually. . .

McDonald's decides, "On second thought, maybe drawing attention to how many steps it would take to burn off that Happy Meal isn't a good idea."

(Or something about skin irritations. But my version is funnier.)

'Americans everywhere' as wind blows 1,500 U.S. partiers to Canada

An estimated 1,500 Americans illegally and unexpectedly washed up in Canada late Sunday after strong winds blew them across the St. Clair River near Sarnia, Ont.

They were participating in the annual Port Huron Float Down, during which people simply float down the river on rafts, inner tubes and other flotation devices from Port Huron, Mich.

High winds pushed them to a number of points along the Canadian shore. They had to be rescued by Sarnia police, the OPP, the Canadian Coast Guard, Canada Border Service Agency and employees from a nearby chemical company Lanxess Canada

continued: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/floatdown-sarnia-americans-wash-ashore-1.3730792

lol… michiganers. 

sweetcell wrote:
lol… michiganders. 

^FTFY

thanks, jules!

i'm still awaiting your humorously disparaging commentary on the canadians.

sweetcell wrote:
i'm still awaiting your humorously disparaging commentary on the canadians.

I have never said anything disparaging against Canadians, that's Smackie. I think Canada is great. I was in Montreal last month.

"Some of my best friends are Canadians"

Julian, wrote:

sweetcell wrote:
i'm still awaiting your humorously disparaging commentary on the canadians.

I have never said anything disparaging against Canadians, that's Smackie. I think Canada is great. I was in Montreal last month.

in sincerely apologize.  i was sure that at some point you had taken some pot-shots at canuckistan, but a search has shown that you have done no such thing.  i take it all back.

sweetcell wrote:
'Americans everywhere' as wind blows 1,500 U.S. partiers to Canada

An estimated 1,500 Americans illegally and unexpectedly washed up in Canada late Sunday after strong winds blew them across the St. Clair River near Sarnia, Ont.

They were participating in the annual Port Huron Float Down, during which people simply float down the river on rafts, inner tubes and other flotation devices from Port Huron, Mich.

High winds pushed them to a number of points along the Canadian shore. They had to be rescued by Sarnia police, the OPP, the Canadian Coast Guard, Canada Border Service Agency and employees from a nearby chemical company Lanxess Canada

continued: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/floatdown-sarnia-americans-wash-ashore-1.3730792

lol… michiganers michiganders. 

'We do love Canada': Americans aim to repay Sarnia for $8K rescue of floating partiers
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/float-down-sarnia-1.3733788

Julian, wrote:
Lobster Festival Forced to Eat Hot Dogs After Airline Loses Lobsters

lmao

betao wrote:
Man tries to rob store with sword; finds clerk also has a sword

http://globalnews.ca/news/2169438/watch-man-tries-to-rob-store-with-sword-finds-clerk-also-has-a-sword/

I call snatch.  That's right; I said snatch.  The man was robbing the store with a machete, not a sword.  Good god, think of the children who have to read this stuff.

Teacher fired for sex with student, finds work in missionary position

Pardon the general "Golly, I'm Bri'ish"-ness of the writing.