Musicological banter

Quite possibly the one of the greatest review ever written

http://usa.djmag.com/content/tiesto-wasted-opportunity

Tiësto
A Town Called Paradise
PM: AM Recordings
1.0
Just shit

One of the difficult things about reviewing a Tiësto album ? apart from actually listening to it ? is that there are only so many ways to describe rubbish. However, on the Dutchman?s fifth album he?s made it slightly easier by delivering 14 identical piles of crap: lumpen trance that stomps on your will to live like candy ravers in furry boots, and breakdowns that feel like jumping off a cliff. Which it might seriously drive you to do. Then there are the singers bellowing ?empowering? lyrics Gwyneth Paltrow would consider trite. Speaking of whom, this is all so awful it makes Coldplay?s collaboration with Avicii sound inspired. Produced with apparent contempt for anyone?s ears or intelligence, it?s lowest common denominator bullshit of the most cynical kind. But the most galling thing is that like some evil alchemist Tiësto will somehow turn this trash into millions of dollars. Paul Clarke

What's so great about this review is how it can be used as a template for other records…

Arcade Fire
Reflektor
1.0
Just shit


One of the difficult things about reviewing an Arcade Fire album ? apart from actually listening to it ? is that there are only so many ways to describe rubbish.  However, on the Canadians fourth album they've made it slightly easier by delivering 13 identical piles of crap: lumpen indie rock that stomps on your will to live like Juggalos in a mosh pit, and percussion playing that sounds like lemmings diving off a cliff. Which it might seriously drive you to do. Then there are the singers bellowing ?empowering? lyrics Gwyneth Paltrow would consider trite. Speaking of whom, this is all so awful it makes The Doors?s collaboration with Skrillex sound inspired. Produced with apparent contempt for anyone?s ears or intelligence, it?s lowest common denominator bullshit of the most cynical kind. But the most galling thing is that like some evil alchemist Arcade Fire will somehow turn this trash into millions of dollars.

i wonder, how many albums, that reviewer has released?

I always wonder why people ask this question upon encountering a negative review.
You don't have to be a musician in order to have an opinion about music.

walkonby wrote:
i wonder, how many albums, that reviewer has released?

yes, but you should have, at least musical talent enough to put out music to be reviewed, if you are going to trash other peoples talent, as shit.

having an opinion . . . and putting out your opinion into the world to be accepted and deciphered as the truth, are two separate things.

walkonby wrote:
yes, but you should have, at least musical talent enough to put out music to be reviewed, if you are going to trash other peoples talent, as shit.

having an opinion . . . and putting out your opinion into the world to be accepted and deciphered as the truth, are two separate things.

That's idiotic. Absolutely nothing you said in your comma delimited rant is remotely reasonable.

Julian, wrote:
your comma delimited rant

this made me LOL.

drop anything walkie posts into a text editor, save as .csv, and import into Excel!!!

slowly diverting this thread to geekological banter…

sweetcell wrote:
drop anything walkie posts into a text editor, save as .csv, and import into Excel!!!

Format Text/Space Delimited all the way. I didn't used to be Julian, .prn CONNOISSEUR for nothing.

Julian, wrote:

walkonby wrote:
yes, but you should have, at least musical talent enough to put out music to be reviewed, if you are going to trash other peoples talent, as shit.

having an opinion . . . and putting out your opinion into the world to be accepted and deciphered as the truth, are two separate things.

That's idiotic. Absolutely nothing you said in your comma delimited rant is remotely reasonable.

im enjoying, your alliteration, at the end of that sentence.

i'll fully admin my intentions of posting that review weren't entirely pure… but there is some irony in the fact that Tiesto apparently only produced his album and left all the actual creating of the tracks to others…

another classic review i saw recently, basically took one band to task because a former band member is now in another group with a bigger buzz and included that info in the review.

Yeah, I'll admit picking on Tiesto is like shooting monkeys in a barrel.

Weird Al Yankovic has the number one album in the USA!!

woo hoo

i was the coolest kid in school for a day -I must admit not a common event- in the 8th grade when i recorded Eat It off of American top 40 and took it to school on my walkman (this was in japan and nobody had heard it)

sad that it only lasted for a day  ;D

Sidehatch wrote:
sad that it only lasted for a day  ;D

I agree…I blame my parents!

I suppose I can think of a few other highlights…but some of them are pretty lame… why did being cool seem to go hand in hand with being an idiot?

I was cool when I stole a test before the test and shared it with the people on my school bus…..cool until someone snitched on me…

I guess I was cool when I was elected high school student body president but not really…

I sure would have loved to have been able to play soccer well….or dated the hot swedish or even english chick in my class….

I've come to realize these things are so often predetermined by your genetics and your upbringing you hardly have a chance to be anything other than what you end up being.

don't worry dude, you're cool in my book

hutch wrote:
I was cool when I stole a test before the test and shared it with the people on my school bus…..cool until someone snitched on me…

Something similar happened to me. I was at an afterschool "something" (I forget what) and I was in a utility room with a copy machine. This was like 5th grade. And the science teacher, Mr. Vest, had left the test for the next day sitting on top of the copy machine. I thought it was funny, put it in my pocket, told no one, and the next day, first thing I went to his classroom and returned it. He asked where I got it and I said it was on the copy machine. He called my parents and made a big stink about it and postponed the test for a day until he could come up with new questions about the same material. I remember my dad coming to school and going "you left something somewhere, and he returned it to you and didn't show it to anyone else? What did you want him to do exactly?"

I think I turned up getting lunch detention or something over it still, but I'm not 100% on the details.

in first year of grad school, we would ask second year students for their old tests to do them as practice tests.  for one exam, the prof was a lazy goofball and used 90% of the questions from the previous year's test.  the average on that test was over 90%.  after much deliberation, the prof decided to let the marks stand since it was "his fault" (laziness) that we all did so well.  much debate ensued…

Musicological –> geekological –> academic… what's next?

weird al would cry with happiness if he knew what he has inspired

walkonby wrote:

Julian, wrote:

walkonby wrote:
yes, but you should have, at least musical talent enough to put out music to be reviewed, if you are going to trash other peoples talent, as shit.

having an opinion . . . and putting out your opinion into the world to be accepted and deciphered as the truth, are two separate things.

That's idiotic. Absolutely nothing you said in your comma delimited rant is remotely reasonable.

im enjoying, your alliteration, at the end of that sentence.

I've! figured it out, Walkie, is actually a Christopher Walken, bot!

im, fish and chips, loving, that telephone number.