Post Show Banter >>>>

sweetcell wrote:

Special-hatch wrote:
Every person I met was on drugs

Special-hatch wrote:
the first was like, you guys want some srooms and the second guy we meet was like "The molly is kicking in, don't tell my wife"
only people I talked to

i don't want to get all Quant TA on you, but n=2 isn't a representative sample for a population of (1200 * ((0.60+0.70) /2)) = 780.

Let's be clear, I only met two people at the club…so everyone I met was

Shame show > Roxy Music (I'm assuming).

Cock wrote:
Shame show > Roxy Music (I'm assuming).

Wrong.

I snagged some Roxy tickets from Stubhub Thursday. $35 for 2, including fees.. Section 403, Row B. Later in the same day, I saw tickets in the same row, 2 for $20. We wuz robbed!

Friday, my wife was inexplicably singing "Give a Little Bit" by Supertramp….which she later explained she was doing because they used it in the movie Daddy's Home, which was also the name of St Vicent's latest album.

So we went to dinner (the actual pricey item of the night, though not high end four course pricey) and parked for free 15 minutes from the venue. Free street parking. Sort of ghetto thoguht still northwest; but I'm from Virginia, we had our handgun in my wife's handbag. We walked to the venue, arriving right before St Vincent's set time and that's where the fun began. It was then that we found out that the Verizon Center no longer permits women's handbags.

We were pointed to a row of lockers on the side of the venue. Our choice was to get a locker or walk back to the car (and miss St. Vincent. And be in the ghetto without our handgun.) My wife protested that she wanted to go home, but I told her that was not an option. So we paid for the locker rental, about the same price that I had paid for a ticket. It was fun watching all of the other elderlies fumbing with their phones, tryng to figure out the locker system. We made our way back to the gates, my wife now carrying a small wallet thingy. "See, now that's the type of bag you need" mansplained an elderly man to his elderly partner in her four inch fuck me pumps, pointing to my wife's wallet thingy.

I have bought Ticketmaster tickets on Stubhub and had no problems before. I'm not sure how the technology works, but it's always worked. When we got to the front of the line, the worker could only get one of my tickets to scan. And that took some effort. When the second ticket wouldn't scan (long line of angry elderlies behind us), he sugggested I turn the brightness up on my phone. In doing so, I somehow lost where the ticket were. When I went to reopen the tickets, I kept getting an "Oops, something went wrong" error. After struggling with it for a long while, he pointed me to the box office, saying they could help straighten it out. At this point my wife again asked if we could just go home, and I again informed her we could not because this was Roxy Fucking Music, and headed to the box office window.

There I encounted many other hapless elderlies also having ticket problems. Why right in front of me was Nick Lowe, in the flesh, having ticket problems. Wait, that's not Nick Lowe, it's my neighbor who looks like Nick Lowe. But wait, that's my Nick Lowe lookalike neighbor, but he has a different wife. Wait, maybe that's not my neightbor either. Turns out it was Kosmo. So I explain my ticket troubles to  the box office woman, who begins speaking in Ticketmaster language, which doesn't make sense to my feeble monolingual brain. At some point my wife has enough, and goes and stands in the corner. After a few more minutes of solo phone fumbling, I am finally able to get it to display the tickets again. If only it were asa easy to pull up concert tickets on my phone as it is to pull up MILF porn. So we head back to the turnstyle.

And the same thing happens. Only one ticket will scan. Angry elderlies roll their phacoemulsification affected eyes, and here we go again.The orginal guy we dealt with was no longer anywhere to be found, this time we're working with a woman. I explain very sweetly that we've already been to the box office and through the line once and maybe the one ticket isn't scanning because it has already been scanned once. Thank goodness she took pity on us an let us in. She even felt so sorry for us that she told me that for all my trouble, they were upgrading us from Section 403 to Section 109. SCORE!

We stopped and peed (good god did i have to pee by that point, should not have gone for the smaller preshow beer, not the 20 ounce German beer) and got our new tickets, and found our seats. Unfortunately we had missed several St Vincent songs, and she's was 50% of the reason I wanted to endure all of this pain…

St. Vincent was great. Ny wife commented that he dancers/backup singers probably caused some elderlies to get boners that they hadn't seen in years. I can't say she was wrong.

Roxy Music then played. Right before they went on, the PA played "Rubberband Man" by the Spinners. My first time seeing them. Roxy, not the Spinners. Haven't seen them either. Yes, Ferry's voice was shot, let's get that out of the way. But everything else was awesome. The guitarist and sax guy just killed it. The visuals were great. Ferry still had all of his hair. Right before they went on, an elderly went running through our aisle, barrelling over people. Too much preshow Michelob Ultra, I reckon.

By the middle of the set, elderly Michelob guy was up dancing with his friends and talking up a loud racket with them. The music mostly drowned them out for us, but at that point an elderly guy directly in front of them had had enough. He turned around, during a quiet number, and started screaming at Senior Michelob to "Shut up, shut up, shut up." I'm sure Hatch heard it up in the 400's and Julian heard it down in the you get a free blowjob with these ticket prices section. And on and on, just completely lost it. Senior Michelob first started to argue back "It's a concert, dude!" (Really, that's your argument? Talking loudly is appropriate behavior for a concert? Go back to your hockey game, Mic.) Senior Lost It continued screaming at Senior Michelob until he became much more of a nuisance than the original distraction. Then people starting yellow at Senior Lost It "Shut up, Grampa, Shut up Grampa." Until finally Senior Lost It left the section. Poor guy.

I don't remember if that happened before or after my wife fell asleep, around the sixth song or so, drifting in an out of sleep the reast of the night. Roxy finished with "Jealous Guy," which of course prompted my wife to say how much she fucking hates John Lennon, and why didn't they do "Slave to Love?"

And then we filed out with the other elderlies to retrieve our handbags and headed home.

The next morning I went grocery shopping. The first two songs they played upon my walking into Giant were "Rubberband Man" and "Give a Little Bit." But that's another thread.

Space wrote:
There I encounted many other hapless elderlies also having ticket problems. Why right in front of me was Nick Lowe, in the flesh, having ticket problems. Wait, that's not Nick Lowe, it's my neighbor who looks like Nick Lowe. But wait, that's my Nick Lowe lookalike neighbor, but he has a different wife. Wait, maybe that's not my neightbor either. Turns out it was Kosmo.

Not sure what I like more…new band name: Hapless Elderlies or that Kosmo looks like Nick Lowe (on brand too)

Shame did 6 new songs, while Roxy did a John Lennon cover instead of Virginia Plain.  My vote is for Shame.

Cock wrote:
Shame show > Roxy Music (I'm assuming).

Vas wrote:
Shame did 6 new songs, while Roxy did a John Lennon cover instead of Virginia Plain.  My vote is for Shame.

Cock wrote:
Shame show > Roxy Music (I'm assuming).

Yeah, but my show actually had more Viagara boys.

The clear bait of telling us he brought a handgun is a masterstroke by Mr. Freely.

A+ read for a Monday morning dump. Thanks Space… but not convinced that it's not primarily plagiarism.

Special-hatch wrote:

Space wrote:
There I encounted many other hapless elderlies also having ticket problems. Why right in front of me was Nick Lowe, in the flesh, having ticket problems. Wait, that's not Nick Lowe, it's my neighbor who looks like Nick Lowe. But wait, that's my Nick Lowe lookalike neighbor, but he has a different wife. Wait, maybe that's not my neightbor either. Turns out it was Kosmo.

Not sure what I like more…new band name: Hapless Elderlies or that Kosmo looks like Nick Lowe (on brand too)

never have i ever been confused with Nick Lowe, he has far better hair then I do…

I bought a 400 level ticket for Roxy Music Friday morning for $15 ($9 + $6 in fees) on stubhub. Got moved down to the 100 level which were the $165 tickets. They closed off the 400 level and moved everyone down. 200 and 300 level were sparse. I bet there were well under 10K attendees, maybe more like 5-6K. Should have booked two nights at Anthem. But then again if they had done that, I may not have gone as I'm sure those tickets would have been $200+ and I'm a cheap bastard.

Regardless, show was excellent. Great graphics, great musicianship, great performance.

I saw someone complain on The Twitter that apparently they eliminated one of the back floor sections and that their Section 3 seats got worse in return.

I read an usher told a patron they sold 6000 tickets


Bad usher!

Space wrote:
I snagged some Roxy tickets from Stubhub Thursday. $35 for 2, including fees..

i thoroughly enjoyed reading this.  i'm not the biggest roxy fan so hearing about everything else except the music worked for me.

Space wrote:
but I'm from Virginia, we had our handgun in my wife's handbag.

i was initially shocked to learn y'all own a handgun.

but soon after that, i was consumed by the question: did you really think they'd let you into an arena, for a concert, with a gun?  have you not been to an arena show since, say, 2001?

sweetcell wrote:

Space wrote:
I snagged some Roxy tickets from Stubhub Thursday. $35 for 2, including fees..

i thoroughly enjoyed reading this.  i'm not the biggest roxy fan so hearing about everything else except the music worked for me.

Space wrote:
but I'm from Virginia, we had our handgun in my wife's handbag.

i was initially shocked to learn y'all own a handgun.

but soon after that, i was consumed by the question: did you really think they'd let you into an arena, for a concert, with a gun?  have you not been to an arena show since, say, 2001?

I was told you have to be a handgun owner to be able to vote in Virginia (Arlington excepted.) And I want to be able to vote.

Wait I missed that
you showed up to a concert in dc with a handgun
I have a hard time believing you are THAT stupid…

Special-hatch wrote:
Wait I missed that
you showed up to a concert in dc with a handgun
I have a hard time believing you are THAT stupid…

A distant relative of Davy Crockett,[7] Charley was born in San Benito, Texas, United States.[8] The son of a single mother[9] with an older brother and sister, Crockett was raised in a trailer park in Los Fresnos, Texas.[7][10] His mother relocated the family to Dallas,[10] and Crockett spent the summer months with his uncle, who lived in the French Quarter of New Orleans.[11] Upon leaving high school at the age of 17, Crockett decided to travel with his guitar acquired by his mother from a pawn shop. Crockett noted "I taught myself how to play and started to write songs immediately, without any chord knowledge or anything. I didn't know what key I was in for 12 years, but my ear was really good, and I could play in any key and any chord. I just didn't know what it was."[9] His early musical influences came from hearing hip hop, and became fascinated with the samples used. Crockett said "I got into Curtis Mayfield through samples of his songs by other artists, and Nina Simone was through a sample. Even J. Cole, I was listening to a song of his ("Kenny Lofton"), and it was based on the sample from the Manhattans version of "Hurt".[8]

Crockett played music on the streets in the French Quarter of New Orleans and in Deep Ellum, Dallas as a teenager. Later he traveled further afield by hitchhiking and riding freight, and by 2009 he was busking in New York City.[11][7] As he improved his performance skills, Crockett organized a street band called the Trainrobbers, which caught the attention of a Manhattan-based representative for Sony Music. She signed the 26 years old Crockett to a two-year management contract, although he rejected a publishing deal.[9][11] Eventually tired of life on the streets and the pending expiration of the contract, Crockett relocated to Northern California, where he combined working on farms and communes with performing for three more years.[9][7][8] Crockett then existed on the streets in Paris, France, for a year, and briefly lived in Spain and Morocco.[12]

During these years, Crockett struggled to stay on the right side of the law. In the U.S., he sold marijuana to get by, at one point working the harvest in a clandestine marijuana field in the Pacific Northwest, and was arrested for possession in 2014. He was convicted of a felony crime twice. Music provided the way out.[13] Crockett noted later, "People think my story is far-fetched, but the thing is, I've toned it down."[14]

SETTING: an urban hellscape, at night.  dim streetlight illuminates, barely, newspaper being blown down the street, bouncing off abandoned cars and falling into a smoldering dumpster.  disembodied eyes float in the shadows.

ENTER STAGE LEFT: nervous white suburban couple, clearly out of their element.

her: this is stupid!  we shouldn't be here!  this isn't worth it!

him: shut it, woman!  i've had more than 6 oz of beer - i'm ready for anything <facial expression implies otherwise>.  besides… we're "packing", as our kid would say.  we'll be fine…

<big impact sound as a pair of eyes jumps out of the shadows and reveals a man with a knife>

mugger: fork it ovah, muddafakers - imma knife you if you don't hand over the goods!

<couple hugs each other, man turning 90 degrees so wife is between him and mugger>

her: I TOLD YOU!  I TOLD YOU SOOOO MANY TIMES THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!  HAAALP!

him: honey!  quiet down!  you're going to scare this guy and he'll do something we expect him to!  <gathers himself together, pushes her aside>  now see here, you truant - we will not give in to violence.  we have rights!

her: <incredulously> WHAT THAT HELL ARE YOU DOING?  GIVE HIM THE MONEY AND LET'S GET OUTTA HERE

him: <remembers something> yes, of course… the money.  yes, he can have it.  gimme your purse honey…

her: WHY MY PURSE?  YOU HAVE A WALLET, IT'S GOT MORE CASH, GIVE HIM THAT!!!

him: <more urgently> uh, babe, please don't argue with me and give me the purse… NOW.

mugger: tick tock, mofos, i'm about to start what you expect me to start!

her: JUST GIVE HIM YOUR WALLET

him: <trying to whisper but failing due to adrenaline> honey i need YOUR purse because… because… of what&#039;s in it

<he grabs purse, couple starts tug-of-war over the purse>

her: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT'S IN IT… OOOOOOOOOOOH - THAT.

<intense glaring between the couple as they stop tussling over the purse, but don't let go>

her: <in another failed whisper> i'm a much better shot than you!  and i have it in my hands!  let me get it out!

him: <more failed whispering> just because you got a better score than me that one time - ONE TIME - at the range, you think you're frikken hawkeye?  really?  is this what this is all about??

her: <abandoning all pretense to whispering> this isn't time for heroics, mr. terminator, outta my way while i deal with this like i always do -

<couple resumes pulling purse back and forth while arguing>

mugger: yo, i don't mean to break up this couples counselling session, but someone's about to die if i don't get -

her: WAIT YOUR TURN I'M NOT DONE HERE WE'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE

<squabbling resumes while mugger looks on in disbelief>

him: … and furthermore, that last time YOU actually did the dishes, i didn't say a thing about how poorly the job was done but ooooooh no, you have to - SHIT, look at the time, we're missing St. Vincent!!

<in a heretofore never seen act of coordination, both he and she reach into the purse, each grab one side of the gun, shoot the mugger, and run a 8:15 mile to the venue.  man violently regrets having drank more than 6 oz of beer>

* FIN *

This is the worst porno opening scene I’ve ever read.

Haha! Good!

obviously plagiarized.  My proof - not one typo, grammatically correct and fairly interesting/witty. 

Yada wrote:
A+ read for a Monday morning dump. Thanks Space… but not convinced that it&#039;s not primarily plagiarism.